(I should really do this more often, as my writing skills could stand a bit of an improvement. Plus, it's fun.)
Startled by sunlight ....
Startled by sunlight, I blink my eyes uncontrollably, hoping that my next blink will finally be enough to keep them open. It is as if an eyelash has fallen into my eye, and I need a mirror to remove it properly.
Finally after several trails of tears fall from my eyes, they decide to stay open. But it is a different open. I am no longer in the dark, and fully exposed for all that I am, and all that I used to be.
I look down at my hands, and see them start to age. My body no longer looks like it did when I was twenty. My face gives small hints of hardships and worry. Looking closer at it, I see deep blue eyes that are inviting and warm. I thought it impossible that they would still offer this kind of invitation to those who look into them. And my lips, they turn up in a smile. Not just a smile, but a beautiful smile. When I see it, it brings me to a calm place, a peaceful place. It's nice to look at, and I wonder now why I never noticed it before.
When I was younger I never felt worthy of looking into other peoples eyes, or accepting their compliments on my smile. It was always crooked, and showed its self awkward in pictures. It is true that when you are kicked enough, you grow numb and stay down. But I was way down.
I never believed before that time could heal anything. I felt time was just punishment to enable to me to endure more negative experiences.
Looking behind me, back into the door, it too is not as I remember it just a few minutes ago. It looks encouraging, and offers me a place to relax.
For three years I have thought of it as the jail that I have put myself in, unwilling to subject myself to anything more that the world wanted to sling at me. Inside of it, there are small comforts, but nothing that ever made me feel alive, with of course, the exception of my children.
Today, this third day of Spring, despite all the snow on the ground - the sunlight has shown me beauty. It reminds me of its light, and abilities to bring smiles to peoples faces. For me, today, it represents life and a spiritual awakening. It is time to rejoin the world and allow my skin to glow again. So sick of this icky, white, pastiness that has stripped me of my natural color. Today, I am reborn.
Blessed Be.
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