Monday, March 24, 2014

The Benefits of Biting your tongue

                                                               The Benefits of Biting your tongue.

When I was a kid the chances of me stumbling into a situation that was full of bitterness and opinions was a lot slimmer than it is for me as an adult.

New technologies have amplified our planet in so many ways. Some of it good, and some not so good.

Teenagers spend their lives texting one another and surfing the internet. In fact, my daughter who is 14 tells me that her friends stay up till the wee hours in the morning because they can't be bothered with sleep. They prefer being on the internet trolling for drama. It makes me think that drama is the new spinach. Only if Popeye could see us now! ;)

Being out of work, I have my days when I wake up in a crappy mood and have no one to argue with. The kids are off to school, and my cat really has nothing more to say than a simple "meow" when I find myself trying to talk to her.

At first I take out my frustrations on the dishes in the sink, and then the floor - running a vacuum across it several times trying to get rid of every last piece of dirt or lint on the carpet. But when all is said and done, I still find myself aimlessly looking to connect to someone somewhere.

That is when my laptop calls out for me to come play. No I am not crazy. I am speaking metaphorically here, hoping to make someone out there smile along with me as I type this. :)

It only takes about five minutes from the time I turn on my computer and sit down with a cup of coffee, sign into facebook and any other social network - till I find my first encounter with someone else's arguments.

After reading through comments, I realize my mood suddenly shifts and I am no longer feeling the need to argue with anyone. Why is this?

The best way I can see it, is that I realize that arguing makes people look pretty stupid sometimes. The last thing I want to do is look stupid. I'm actually trying to gain people's respect.

I can absolutely understand adding your point of view to a debate, and backing it up with as many sources as possible so that you can plead your case, but many times topics can go on and on and are discussed way past their "bedtime."

I'm human, and sometimes I get off on a subject and can't stop either, but today, for my own benefit, I thought I would look up benefits of remaining silent. Feeding the fuel is not always the best option, and after a while it just becomes bullying. There is nothing more silly than watching adults bully one another!

So what exactly is the benefit of biting your tongue?

I would have to say the biggest one is that you can defuse a situation really quickly. You leave the miserable alone in the conversation with no one to argue with. Misery loves company, so why give it company? It get's plain comical to watch a miserable person argue alone, therefore bringing you into a more positive state of mind. Less stress for you!

When you are silent long enough, this gives you the chance to regroup and think of your words carefully. Then when you do say something, those around you will respect you ten fold, and it will reduce social awkwardness later.

You can't control other people. You can only control you and what comes out of your mouth. If you keep aggression at bay, it keeps the lines of communication at a healthier flow.

Also it is important to understand that people's words and thoughts stem from life experiences and the majority of the time, if you respect their thoughts and ideas, and speak appropriately instead of aggressively, you might actually teach them something they did not already know, or vs. versa.

Oh, and before going on with my reading for the day ...

I think it is good to say that you look really flighty when you jump in on a conversation at the tail end, not knowing completely what was said prior. ;)

Problem - 10 of air Reversed -

The problem of these arguments is simple - people have trouble letting go and ultimately, they want to win the argument! Therefore it keeps going and going like an energizer bunny. The 10 of air is about having difficulty letting go.

What to avoid (when encountering these arguments) - Elder of air -

The Elder of air is someone well respected, who eases pain and brings a sense of well-being into the situation. But having this card in the "what to avoid" position, I see it as telling us that there really isn't anything that we can "add" to the debate that will defuse it no matter how good our intentions are. Texting never comes across the same as it is intended, and there is always someone reading what you wrote who will take it wrong. Just let go - and keep the silence. :)

What to let go of in the future (after such debates) - Explorer of fire -

Fire dancers say that none of them ever escape without being burned at least once. While in the position of "what to let go of in the FUTURE" I would say that this card urges us to respect those who were involved and shared their opinions, even those more bolder than others. Accept that it happened, but then let it go. It only injures your own inner peace when you let yourself hold a grudge or be hurt by what someone says out of meaningless aggression.

Outcome (if you do what is suggested in this reading) - Elder of fire -

This card is about transformation. I would normally interpret a little differently with it, but for this particular reading and having it fall in the "outcome" position, by biting our tongues and letting things fall where they may, I see this card bringing the whole group into balance. It allows those in the debate to be heard.  By not always jumping in to argue with them, and only making valid points, while holding our tongue through the invalid points - we bring a balance to those involved. If we are capable enough to not hold a grudge in the end, then we become stronger as a group later. It is important to embrace our differences. We don't have to like everyone we come into contact with, but if we don't like them, we don't have to talk to them. :)

Silence really can be golden. 

Blessed Be

The Gaian Tarot & The deck of 1000 Spreads used here.

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