Where I am is just fine!

So, I finally broke down a few months ago and bought two very desired decks on my wish list. I have never been able to put aside enough money to get a deck from Baba Studio before, but I decided that I deserved to spoil myself with these. I haven't bought anything for myself in quite a while, and this is my reward for being such a good girl! I am SUPER happy I did, because the minute I put the Bohemian Gothic Tarot in my hands, I felt a deep rooted connection. I haven't ever felt this connection with a deck before - ever! I love it. It feels like it was made just for me.

The Bohemian Gothic Tarot deck that I purchased is the 3rd edition, and The Victorian Romantic Tarot I bought is the 2nd edition.

I have always been intrigued by comparing decks, and also using the darker decks for "shadow" work. I thought these two would be ideal for such a study.

While getting to know my cards, I am going to do readings asking one what I need to embrace, and the other what I need to let go in order to get to where I want to be in life.

VRT - What I need to embrace: 9 of cups.

According to the LWB that comes with the deck, the 9 of cups stands for attaining pleasure from good, basic things. Learning to find happiness in a down-to-earth kind of way. Concentrating on ones well-being and allowing yourself small indulgences (like me buying these cards!). When we learn to do this, we allow ourselves to begin to fulfill our wishes. We all get caught up in our lives and forget to enjoy simple things like that great glass of wine, or the warmth of your child's smile, or the sound of birds chirping as you greet your morning - alive and well.

The image on this card is of a man who sits on the edge of his seat drinking a big mug of whatever he likes best. Although his elbow rests on the table beside him, he still looks as if his seat is not comfortable to him. He has one foot forward, and the other back and the look on his face makes me think that he wants to drink to forget the ridiculous clothing he wears. LOL. The stained glass window to the right is letting in some light, reminding him that daylight is in bloom and he should get out and enjoy some fresh air. Perhaps he has over sipped some wine and needed to sit down for lack of balance? Maybe he was working in kitchen all morning serving the masters of the house, and now he takes some time out for himself to enjoy some fine wine when no one is looking? I know I would! So why don't I?

Why do I let so many days go by before I allow myself  to enjoy things? Why do I let myself stress over things that I can't change, or the endless pile of bills that will ALWAYS be there? The man in this card reminds me to slip away to my own oasis every once in a while, or to indulge myself a little. To forget about the chaos around me, and listen to stillness.

BGT - What I need to let go of: 6 of swords.

Again, the LWB says in the shadow aspects of the card, that I should give up control and let someone else decide my next move. It suggests that I might feel depressed and "dead to the world" and too passive to achieve anything. It also suggests phobia about travel or a major move, and even a period of mourning a loss.

Now let me tell you how accurate this resonates with me. I have been mourning for 4 plus years! The loss of a friend due to a freak accident. The loss of a relationship with a man who loved only himself. The loss of myself while in that relationship. It is as if I pushed all my feelings of grief down deep and kept going, not allowing myself to feel anything. Then after my last relationship ended, I had to finally FEEL again. I had to pick up all my broken pieces, and literally glue myself back together again. Instead of mourning one broken relationship, I had to sift through several devastating moments in my life and find out where I went and how I was going to move forward alone. And now that I have done the majority of that, I have become complacent in my life. I live where I live, and am not willing or able to move. I love someone, but will not put forth any effort to be in a relationship with him, mainly because I know that it will require me to move 4 hours south from where I currently live, and I am not willing to move my children away from their friends again. They are military kids, and have sacrificed enough friends over the years. They deserve to spend their last years of school where they have found happiness. I feel that is the least that I can do for them. They deserve stability. Plus their father lives near, and I am unwilling to take them from him. I am fortunate to have him as their father because he is a good man.

The image on this card is that of a beautiful, mountainous, lake landscape. The time is sunset, and a small viking like boat sits peacefully on the water, near the shoreline. A body lays on the boat wrapped in soft, velvet like, red fabric. Two candles light the way for the ship, as they sit at the front of the boat, gently blowing in the breeze. There appears to be a grim reaper rowing the boat from behind the sleeping body, perhaps guiding the restful soul into the afterlife. They are not very far from land, so maybe they have already arrived to a different dimension? Or maybe they use the land as a compass, as they drift along the coast into the unknown?

Perhaps I should surrender to the unknown? Let go of my dead friend? Let go of the idea that I have to move to find a happy relationship with the man that I love? Perhaps if I stay right here, someone else that I am better suited with will find me as long as I continue moving forward, close to the land that I already see? Maybe I should go slower in that forward direction paying special attention not to blow out the light that guides me? If I go to fast, the wind will extinguish the light that I count on for guidance and warmth. I should learn that it's okay to be right where I am now? Let go of my need to control where I am headed? It all makes perfect sense, really.

So I should embrace where I am at now, and let go of the idea that I have someplace else to be.

Did I mention, I love these cards? :)

Blessed Be.