Through Wind, Sand & Snow

I haven't blogged in a few days due to something that has weighed quite heavily on my mind.

To make a long story short, I went out with a friend last Friday, and when she didn't think I could hear her, I heard her tell the events of our evening together in a very negative light to her other "friend." She exaggerated many things, and put a twist on them so that I looked bad, and she looked like a victim for hanging out with me. Like who on earth would want to hang out with me, right?

When I confronted her about it, she told me that she didn't do what I heard her do. I think I would have found an ounce of respect in the situation had she admitted it and maybe given a reason why she twisted things in her conversation with the other person. But she didn't take the higher road here. It hurt, and it was quite disappointing for me to say the least.

This person is someone that I have shared many personal things with from my life, and I have come to rely on her as a true friend. When someone has me as their friend, I would do anything for them. They just don't build friends like me anymore, I guess.

The above three psycards are to represent what I need to embrace about this situation. We have prison, never and the home.

Together, they tell me that I need to embrace that I got out of the house, and into a very public place, pushing my boundaries of comfort. I have been a hermit for quite a few years, and being out in public like this is something I used to always do, but now find very difficult to do. So this is the positive for me out of the whole event that transpired.

The 5 of swords from the Bohemian Gothic Tarot is to show me what my friendship with this person actually is. The 5 of swords is traditionally about either feeling defeated, or victorious at the expense of another. This battle is usually not an even match. The outcome, most likely a surprise. Very clearly, not an even friendship. See the wolf behind my back? Waiting to bite me when I am not looking. How can I not be disappointed here? It makes my stomach ill thinking about it.

The three psycards to the right here represent what I need to let go of in this situation. We have fortune, the moon and the tree.

Together, they tell me I need to let go of placing such high value on this friendship and to let my instincts guide me into the future. I stand tall, even when I stand alone. Here is where I take the higher road, the one less traveled.

The knight of swords from the Bohemian Gothic Tarot is to show me what my friendship with this person isn't. The knight of swords is traditionally about a leader with high intellect, quick wit and someone that can be a great friend if you don't cross them. The shadow side of this knight is someone who has to get their way, and takes advantage of others by trying to be intellectually superior.

I find the knight of swords to be much like me. Quick wit, and not to be crossed. And ironically, now, as I have seen her in action, she matches the personality of the knight's shadow side. She has always talked about her other "friends" in front of me in a bad way, I don't know why I thought that I would be so special. So in regards to what this friendship isn't -- it's certainly not a balanced, healthy friendship, and even though we are both intellectual people, one uses this for bad. Just as a super hero and a villain. It isn't the friendship that I thought it was.

I've seen my answers here before me in the cards, yet they are not a magic pill. I have all these feelings that I don't know what to do with. I lost my potential romantic partner in the not so distant past, and now I have come to realize that a friendship that I have had since 2008 isn't what I thought it was. I am that tree, firmly rooted in the ground. The wind, sand and snow will continue to try to damage me, but in the Spring, I will still have beautiful green leaves. There is a reason and a season for all things, I suppose. (sigh).

Blessed Be.