My Victory Feels Hollow

Bohemian Gothic Tarot

Today I drew the knight of wands, 2 of swords, and 6 of swords.

The knight of wands is about passion and impulse. As a person card, this person is likely someone who has immense charm, but lacks commitment. Most of his ideas are in his head, and never quite make them out. He may be a passionate lover, but he isn't "the one" who will warm your bed for the rest of your days.

In this card we have a young man standing in an overgrown graveyard. He is dressed in his best for appearance sake. He looks a bit snobbish and sure of himself. His horse is behind him, waiting outside the entrance for him when he returns. He isn't carrying flowers or anything to adore the grave he visits, which makes me think that he is only visiting it to make sure that the person is really dead. I doubt he will be spending much time there, and is probably on a schedule. Planting flowers is not on his itinerary as it might cause him to get his hands dirty.

The 2 of swords is about choices, inaction, balance, and blocking emotions. The two swords to me have always felt like a barrier, but one that is there on purpose, as if defending yourself from an attack.

In this card there is a young woman standing on a balcony under the night time sky. She is blindfolded, with her hands gently crossing her chest. If she chooses to, she can use her hands to uncover her eyes, but she doesn't. It makes me think that she is covering her eyes to avoid seeing the truth of something.

The blindfold gives her distance from her troubles, and serves as a distraction, helping to calm her mind. Her hands protect her heart. She has waited until the dead of the night, and found a place that she thinks will give her the privacy she needs, deliberately making herself unapproachable. Maybe even hiding.

Maybe the blindfold is a muse, rendering her most vulnerable, so that when she takes it off again, she will see how much control she has. She can then move forward with confidence knowing that things could always be worse.

The 6 of wands is about public recognition, progress, self-confidence and victory.  There is always a risk of being over confident though.

In this card we have a strong, robust man dressed in armor riding a horse. He is accompanied by soldiers who fight along beside him through his many battles. They wear masks to hide there true faces, but he himself doesn't. The blood on his lance is fresh, reminding us that victory isn't without the cost of something precious. There is no doubt that when people think of that battle, they will think of him, because he shows his true self, victoriously leaving the castle that he just conquered. A soldier is never without mental fatigue though, and they carry with them the screams of war. Though invisible, they are still very much there.

I can relate deeply with the cards presented before me today. I know this knight, and very well. He is the man who professed his love for me many times, but doesn't give me any real hope to hold onto. Unfortunately for him, his charm is starting to tarnish. I am the 2 of swords here, protecting myself, taking time out to be alone.

It is very tricky though, as he was a best friend since childhood. I have never looked at him before as a potential partner, so I could easily overlook his flaws before. But when we look for a mate, we have to see the flaws,  and the inconsistencies in their actions. We have to shine a light on EVERYTHING so that we can be sure if we are willing to live with it or not; to make sure we think its worth it to stay together.

This is where I become the 6 of wands, holding my head up high, knowing that I showed my true self. I put forth the effort and reached for him. But it was he, who chose to keep his mask on. My walking away comes at a high price; our friendship. I'm having trouble distinguishing the man in the mask verses the one without. Neither face is pleasing to see anymore, because the lines have been blurred. I was awake late last night trying to convince my heart that I am going to be okay. Although I fought bravely, and shared my vision, my victory feels hollow.

I will spend the day washing windows to cleanse my soul. Only when windows are clean can we see through them at all the details of our surroundings.

Blessed Be.