Nurture Yourself

Victorian Romantic Tarot & Celtic Lenormand

The King of Cups keeps everyone working together, and is patient in trying circumstances. He also teaches with loving attentions.

The three Lenormand cards talk about a commitment to friendships & family.

I will probably communicate with one of my daughters while she is at her fathers, like we usually do. Perhaps I will find time to get together with a friend as well? Who knows. It's always a little difficult for me to be away from my kids, so I am sure I will have to preoccupy myself in a nurturing way. We should all be reminded to do that!

Have a blessed Saturday!

Too Tired to Fight

Victorian Romantic Tarot & Celtic Lenormand

Oh dear, look at the load on her back, and in her arms? She must be tired and ready to just drop everything and rest her poor aching body. But she cradles a baby in her arms, so she knows she can't just let go, but she must be more careful.

The three Lenormand cards suggest that happiness has a price, and sometimes there is unavoidable conflict.

I am not sure what all that is about, but I am guessing that I will certainly be relieved that the weekend is finally here! I get to relax, and put aside my school stuff for 24 hours before I have to start studying for the week ahead. Oh goodness, it is going to feel so good! But before I can do that, I first have to take my kids to see their father. So not up for the extra miles I have to drive.

I hope there won't be any quarrels today, because I am too tired to fight.

The Ache in My Heart

Victorian Romantic Tarot & Celtic Lenormand

I LOVE this 2 of Swords picture. It is breathtaking. The waves crashing against rocks, and the sky full of dark clouds, maybe predicting a storm that is near. But the person in the picture braces herself, and has a calm look. The muscles in her face are relaxed and untroubled. She hides stress very well, and ignores warning signs. Perhaps she is just meditating on what is to come, fearing for the future, and guarding her heart.

The three Lenormand cards that follow predict a letter from a childhood sweetheart. Maybe it will cause some aching in my heart, or remind me of troubling times. I am guessing that it will keep me on the fence about something.

We will soon see! Have a blessed day.

**Update**

I actually worked in a nursing home today where a man was visiting his wife. He told me that they have been together for many years (high school sweethearts). She always put up with his shenanigans, and he appreciates her so much. He said that they got old too fast, and forgot to talk about what measurements to use when they were unable to care for themselves. It made me sad. I cried on the way home thinking about it.

Relief!

Victorian Romantic Tarot & Celtic Lenormand

The Page of Cups appears today. For me this card usually reminds me to forgive people, and respond with care rather than anger.

The three Lenormand cards that follow predict relief, and a positive outcome to something that could otherwise bring pain, or burden.

I look forward to seeing what it is. Positive outcomes are always good!

**Update**

Respond with care rather than anger sounds about right (from above). I was invited to lunch this afternoon, but it turned out to be more grief than what it was worth. The food was good, but the company wasn't the best, I ended up feeling burden for the rest of the day, knowing that I am getting played by fake friends.

Friend or Foe?

Victorian Romantic Tarot & Celtic Lenormand

Oh my! Look at The Devil I drew today. She certainly is quite alluring, isn't she? The money at her feet, the beautiful jewels in her hand, the flowers, what is a girl to do? For me this card is usually about procrastination, and being enslaved by something.

The three Lenormand cards following talk about an end to public confusion, or quick confusion via a social network, or even hurtful public confusion. I suppose they will leave me doubting myself ... The Devil. Perhaps something at school? Maybe even questions on a test?

Hmmm. Well, I will post an update later. I hope it isn't too serious. Have a blessed day!

**update**

I had a painful headache this afternoon. Ugh! I had to stay after school an extra three hours to do labs, so I certainly felt enslaved!

Wack a Mole

Victorian Romantic Tarot & Celtic Lenormand

Today I drew the Page of Wands. For me this Page is about taking action & being assertive. This Page likes to move beyond doubts, and be a step up from everyone else.

The three Lenormand cards drawn may certainly be the reason for this assertiveness. It looks like it may call for some digging around and finding out about a man's behavior, or reason behind a troubling message.

Whatever the case, I am not looking forward to today! I hope it's something minor. *sigh*

**update**
The day is not over yet, but I am wondering if the fox + man + rider could be me sneaking messages to a guy during class. LOL

Another Playboy

Victorian Romantic Tarot & Celtic Lenormand

I really want to get back into doing daily draws but school has been keeping me SO BUSY! Some days I wonder what the heck I was thinking when I signed up, but other days I feel like I am accomplishing something worth while. Nursing is certainly a rewarding career choice, but I can't wait to use the skills that I am learning in a real world setting.

Today I drew the Knight of Cups from the Victorian Romantic Tarot. He is a charming young man with sparkling armor. He is well protected except for his head. He looks up at the sky as if daydreaming about something bigger than himself. His hair is longer and has a bit of curl. It seems the girls go nuts over curls because he is surrounded by several beauties. He could have his pick of any of them. I know who this playboy is for me today; he is the man that my affections have turned toward in the last couple of days. He just so happens to be venturing into "single" status. Even though I am quite excited about this, it appears that he is in no hurry to set his sights on just one woman. In fact, his sights are set on any! They paw all over him, but he looks like he hardly notices, and might even be annoyed. For now his head is in the clouds, and he contemplates his next move. I suppose I should back off a bit, and let him take care of business. After-all, I have quite a bit on my own plate right now. I am a patient person, and will certainly invite my own distractions.

The next three cards are drawn from the Celtic Lenormand. They seem to go along with what I mention above. This man has much to manage right now from past commitments, and I should gently nurture the friendship between us.

Off to study. Much to learn.

New Moon Perfection

Bohemian Gothic Tarot & Victorian Romantic Tarot

Today I drew the 8 of pentacles. In a standard Tarot deck, it usually represents being engaged in your work, learning all that you can along the way. It is about the quality of your work that makes you stand out above others. When you work at something hard enough, you can perfect it.

When looking at the card on the left, we see a little girl holding a doll in her arms. She has a smile on her face, and looks on at it with admiration.

The shopkeeper, assuming he is also the one who made the doll, folds his hands in front of him, watching after the little girl as she walks away, her back toward him. To me, the look on his face seems to be showing some resentment, or sadness. I am thinking that he put so much time, and effort into making this little doll, that he doesn't quite want to let it go.

In the card on the right, we see a young, handsome man sitting at the edge of his seat, balancing a pot on his lap. As he holds a paint brush in a very steady hand, he enthusiastically paints a pattern onto the pottery piece. His toes are even helping to balance him so that he doesn't slip up and make a mistake as he paints. He is at peace while he works. A woman looks on at him, admiring his work. It looks like she has been watching him for quite a while, being sure not to distract him, she leans against a wall keeping herself from making any sudden movements.

Tonight is a new moon, and I will be activating some magical things that I have ready to release into the Universe. When I do these rituals, I am sure to do them with as much intent, and perfection that I can. I start by clearing away any negativity, and grounding myself. Magic takes the path of least resistance, so I am sure that nothing I send out will keep it from manifesting.

Also, these cards put me to mind of how thoughtfully I prepared dinner tonight. I made sure that each bite would be full of flavor, and pleasing to our taste-buds. When I was finished, I put together eye pleasing plates, and sent them into the dinner area with the girls. I watched after them from the doorway, as they took their first bite. I wanted to be sure that they were as happy with how dinner turned out, as I was. Just as always, it took much less time to gobble the food than it did to prepare it.

Today is clearly about focus for me. :)

Blessed Be.

She Becomes a Woman

Victorian Romantic Tarot & Bohemian Gothic Tarot

I haven't blogged in a couple of days because something at home has kept me down and out. Today I drew a couple of cards to ask about my day, and I get the 3 of pentacles, and the 8 of cups.

Once again, I am drawing from the Victorian Romantic Tarot & the Bohemian Gothic Tarot, comparing cards and adding dimension to their meanings. 

The 3 of pentacles is a card that shows teamwork, or using ones skills to accomplish something, and then feeling fulfilled. 

Whenever we take on a project, we put forth the efforts to see it to fruition, and when we are done, if we did all that we were suppose to do, and correctly, we will have something to be proud of.  

In the first card above, we have an older gentleman / craftsman carving a Christmas ornament, while two children watch on, captivated by his skills and dedication. The little girl's eyebrows are raised showing us that she is surprised and excited to see the final results of this project. 

In the second card, we have the scientist who created Frankenstein. The scientist stands back, arms raised as he anticipates his genius project coming alive. Watching on eagerly, while Frankenstein checks himself out for the first time, seeing what he can and can't do for himself. 

I feel like the past couple of days, I have been the scientist and my oldest daughter Frankenstein. When I went to pick the girls up from their father, I noticed AGAIN that my oldest daughter had went shopping for more clothes. It happens a lot. Every girl likes fine clothes, right? Well, I am all good and well with that except for the fact that my youngest daughter doesn't get anything. It's starting to feel like the new wife favors one child over the other, and my youngest daughter is also noticing, after all, she is 13. This will not pave the road for any bonding in the future, for this I am sure! 

Well being the mother that I am, I feel like I am the voice for my children. When they are being neglected or treated unfairly, it is still my responsibility to say something about it; so I did. My words weren't harsh, and I was diplomatic, but this still left a rift between me and my older daughter. I suppose she didn't like the fact that I told her that she was old enough to see what was going on, and that she knows right from wrong. I told her that she should have mentioned her sister, or tried to bring her back something from her trip to the store. I have never gone to the store and brought back for one and not the other just because one decided to stay home. Even when I dated men who had children of their own, I never felt right buying for my children and not his. I thought this was something that every mother would feel. But apparently not. So, I talked to the kid's father to make sure that this will not continue to happen. I  have one daughter with too many clothes to fit in a dresser, and another with hardly any. *sigh*

The 8 of cups is about abandonment, escaping something, and disappointments. 

The card on the left is of a woman who has walked partially down a sidewalk, and stops to wipe away her tears. Her dog looks like he is hesitant to further approach her, feeling her sadness, he tucks his tail between his legs. Behind them is 8 empty cups. It appears she was tending to her garden, but stopped before she was finished, due to this heaviness she feels in her heart; this disappointment. 

The card to the right, is rather intriguing. Each time I look at it, I give the woman a new story. This time, I see her as me. She wears pearls, and has her hair up, showing her maturity. She appears to be leaving behind the things that upset her and cause her grief, but she heads through a doorway that looks pretty scary. It has a skull above it, and it is very dark and eerie. She pauses for a moment to look behind her, her face full of concern. This is a transition period for her.

It is a transition period for me. I have raised two beautiful daughters into fine young women, and there are times when I must be their mother instead of their friend. Regardless of how it makes me feel, I still have to do what is right, and they will just have to get over it, or don't.

All that is left now is to give her space. Now that I think of it, this card could even be her, looking behind her toward me, and yet moving away from me one step at a time. It is her turn to transition into a mature young woman, and my turn to let go and see the fruits of my labor unfold before me, no longer under my control. Gulp. No easy feat for me!

Blessed Be.

Put On A Happy Face

Bohemian Gothic Tarot & Victorian Romantic Tarot
Queen of Cups

Today's card what the Queen of cups. She is quite beautiful in both cards. In the Bohemian Gothic Tarot she is alluring, and dreamy. All the Queens in this deck look as if they are hiding something, much like Queens of real life.

In real life, they have always had to put on an angelic, pretty face and be mostly subservient to their King and husband. Men, especially in times further in our past, have been married off to women who were usually betrothed to them at an early age. Love was a word of least importance, and often times void in the marriage altogether. I am sure over an extended period of time they would grow to care for one another, but political alliances were the inspiration for such matches, leaving emotional feelings to take a backseat.

Ironically, the Queen of cups in a traditional Tarot deck is used to represent emotional security. I doubt most Queens felt much of that in their lifetime! However, they were groomed from an early age to refrain from showing any emotions, and to keep up appearances. This beautiful Queen is certainly doing a fine job as she sits, arms stretched upward, calm, looking like she hasn't a care in the world. Her harp resting on her lap, chalice at her feet. Her clothes and jewels chosen with dignity and pride. The look on her face shows of a woman who thinks happy thoughts, or one who has escaped reality for a little while, dreaming of a life outside the walls of the castle. The crow / raven perched next to her tells a different story. He sits, waiting patiently for her to snap back to reality. He keeps her secrets, secrets that she only shares with him.

The Queen in the Victorian Romantic Tarot sits on a beautifully carved throne and glances off into the East, as if looking on at the rest of the world, and trying to sneak a peek into what life is like for those who live outside the castle walls. Still in this card, that dreamy look on her face. At her feet a golden chalice, flowers, a book, and a sleeping baby. This must be her baby because it is well cared for. I would think that the artist placed the baby here to show off the Queen's compassionate personality, but also to show that there is still an undertone of innocence left to be seen if one looks closely at her. Although she appears to be a stunning, well put together, grown woman, inside she still has the fragile, hopeful, romantic notions of a child.

Today, my day is less busy than the days prior. I do have to go into work for a short time, but my plans are to be at home and do some reading (hence the book at the Queen's feet), and just enjoy the quiet of my home. My girls are away visiting their father. I pick them up tomorrow. Maybe some self care is needed today, and that I should do something that makes me feel rejuvenated, all the while, putting on a happy face.

Blessed Be.

Flowers Grow Where They Are Planted

Today's cards are drawn again from the Bohemian Gothic Tarot, and the Victorian Romantic Tarot, both published by the same company. Baba Studios.

I get the page of swords. The page of swords is a card that symbolizes a curiosity or a mental anxiety / restlessness.

In the darker card, we have a woman who looks to be in a park at night. I wonder if she arrived at the park earlier, and sat next to the lantern in hopes that when darkness fell, it would give her some sort of light to comfort her? She looks like she is to meet someone, and I picture her frequently looking over her shoulder. Her mannerism in the image shows definite restlessness or angst. There is an angel behind her holding a sword. It is pointing down as if the angel is distracted by something other than the swords pointed edge.The angel in deep thought.

In the lighter card, a young man dressed in blue and yellow stands with his feet shoulder length apart in a garden outside a castle. Beside him is his friendly companion, a golden colored dog. Neither seem to be in motion, but just standing there, thinking. The man is not looking down, or even ahead, but off into space, perhaps lost in a daydream. The sword in his hand is pointing forward, but without intent to use it. He absolutely looks curious, and distracted. I'm betting that if I were standing before him in the garden he would have a lot to say, and with enthusiasm.

The 10 of swords on the left is of a woman who mourns for a lost loved one as she sits wiping her tears at their grave site, toward evening. You can tell that she visits the grave often because their are many flowers there, and they look well groomed. It also looks like the grave is on a hill over looking water, a rather lovely place for a loved one to rest eternally. There had to have been a lot of thought that went into finding this most perfect place. The sky is darkened by some rain clouds, but also some sunlight peeks through, leaving the sky pink. They say, "pink sky at night is a sailors delight, but if in the morning, sailors take warning." With that said, it may very well symbolize that her time for mourning may soon be over.

The 10 of swords on the right is such a beautiful image, and one like no other that I have seen. I find it stunning to look at, as it speaks volumes. The 10 of swords in general talks about betrayal, defeat and loss. In this image a person lays in the shallow water on a beach. How they got there, I can not say for sure, but it does make me think that they may have survived a great storm. The waves are crashing, and they have white caps. I am sure that the water is chilly and the wind quite fierce. The seagulls flying overhead may even be having trouble flying, yet they stay captivated by what goes on beneath them on the shoreline. A wave, in the form of a beautiful woman wraps its self around this person, as if to provide a safe haven, shelter from the storm. To me the waves symbolize the passing of emotions. This person lays wrapped up in their emotions, and can't find strength in themselves to get up and out of the water to dry off. They have lost all hope, and look for comfort in themselves. This usually happens when one feels the sting of betrayal, or defeat. There will however come a time when this person will have to get out of the water, or die from hypothermia, or even dehydration.

These cards are quite accurate for me during the last few hours. I am in deep thought, distracted by all sorts of things, trying to focus on one matter that needs my attention.

It is an emotional matter, and it causes me some deep pain, pain so deep that I rarely let it surface. I bet if it did surface I would cry an ocean, and be that person defeated, laying in the water feeling sorry for myself.

I have to remind myself that I am not a victim, nor do I have no say over my life! The truth is, I have most say over my life, and especially in the matter that I speak of.

I think the cards are telling me that  I need to let this emotional attachment go and return to the sea so that this mourning process can finally be over. It is what it is, and despite my grooming the flowers to make things look pretty, the truth is, I am rooted in the dirt where my feet walk, and flowers don't transplant well after digging them up. Neither does the past! If it didn't work before, it probably isn't going to now. You can't move forward by looking behind you.

Blessed Be.

Turned Into Stone

Today I drew the 8 of wands, and Justice. To the left is the Victorian Romantic Tarot, and below is the Bohemian Gothic Tarot. I think they compliment each other beautifully.

The 8 of wands is about speed, and constancy, or things happening swiftly. In the Victorian Romantic Tarot, the 8 of wands is of a man who is lunging forward, perhaps in a race with two animals. The look on his face is really intense and he is doing what he must to win the race. They are running down hill, which can be very helpful in conserving energy, but it can also be detrimental if they were to stumble at the speed they are going! I picture a few thuds, a scream, and a face plant. LOL

In the Bohemian Gothic Tarot, there is a dark, earthly sky filed with clouds, and in the background fire and smoke. Gargoyles are in motion, as if ready to attack those who have penetrated the castle walls. The statue in front of them is of a hunched back man looking behind him in fright, as a lion bites at his heals. There is definitely an urgency about this card, and a lot of movement. But in retrospect, the movement is frozen into statues. Perhaps symbolizing frustration? Or even the importance of knowing exactly what it is that we are rushing into? We should pay mind to the dangers that may lie ahead, so that we can be best prepared for our advancement.

The Justice card in the Victorian Romantic Tarot is of a beautiful maiden with long, red hair holding a scale in one hand and a sword in the other. The sword at her side, its tip into the earth. She has the option of using it, but she doesn't. Perhaps a reminder that Justice will always prevail, even without trying? The fallen angel is cast over the side of the cliff, where fire awaits his fall. The scale dangling above his head, as he looks on it in fear.

In the Bohemian Gothic Tarot, the judge holds a book in one hand and a candle stick in the other. The book that happens to be on how to discover and execute witches. In the background, down the long narrow, dark hallway, it appears that a fire may have been set, as the warm glow reflects through the bottom of a closed door. The candle stick in the judge's hand is gripped tightly, Maybe in anger or regret? The figure behind the judge is what appears to be a priest in a hooded cloak. He folds his hands in front of him as if pleased with himself. He looks on at the judge making sure that he doesn't disobey him, or make a fuss of what has unfolded behind the closed, glowing door. Regardless of the judge's position, the church has supreme authority in his realm. His feelings are irrelevant. This card reminds us that the outcome isn't always fair. Strong prejudices and societies rules can have a heavy influence on such matters, causing some to see in black and white, and others to see in grey.

It is quite interesting how these two cards came up for me today. My youngest daughter has seen some injustice over the past couple of days, and she wasn't quite sure how to approach the matter. These cards show our desire to move forward, but the long pause taken as we sift through the ashes (our thoughts). And then ultimately deciding to turn a blind eye to it because it is pretty much out of our hands. It will be remembered, but muted for now. Turned into stone.

Blessed Be.

Where I am is just fine!

So, I finally broke down a few months ago and bought two very desired decks on my wish list. I have never been able to put aside enough money to get a deck from Baba Studio before, but I decided that I deserved to spoil myself with these. I haven't bought anything for myself in quite a while, and this is my reward for being such a good girl! I am SUPER happy I did, because the minute I put the Bohemian Gothic Tarot in my hands, I felt a deep rooted connection. I haven't ever felt this connection with a deck before - ever! I love it. It feels like it was made just for me.

The Bohemian Gothic Tarot deck that I purchased is the 3rd edition, and The Victorian Romantic Tarot I bought is the 2nd edition.

I have always been intrigued by comparing decks, and also using the darker decks for "shadow" work. I thought these two would be ideal for such a study.

While getting to know my cards, I am going to do readings asking one what I need to embrace, and the other what I need to let go in order to get to where I want to be in life.

VRT - What I need to embrace: 9 of cups.

According to the LWB that comes with the deck, the 9 of cups stands for attaining pleasure from good, basic things. Learning to find happiness in a down-to-earth kind of way. Concentrating on ones well-being and allowing yourself small indulgences (like me buying these cards!). When we learn to do this, we allow ourselves to begin to fulfill our wishes. We all get caught up in our lives and forget to enjoy simple things like that great glass of wine, or the warmth of your child's smile, or the sound of birds chirping as you greet your morning - alive and well.

The image on this card is of a man who sits on the edge of his seat drinking a big mug of whatever he likes best. Although his elbow rests on the table beside him, he still looks as if his seat is not comfortable to him. He has one foot forward, and the other back and the look on his face makes me think that he wants to drink to forget the ridiculous clothing he wears. LOL. The stained glass window to the right is letting in some light, reminding him that daylight is in bloom and he should get out and enjoy some fresh air. Perhaps he has over sipped some wine and needed to sit down for lack of balance? Maybe he was working in kitchen all morning serving the masters of the house, and now he takes some time out for himself to enjoy some fine wine when no one is looking? I know I would! So why don't I?

Why do I let so many days go by before I allow myself  to enjoy things? Why do I let myself stress over things that I can't change, or the endless pile of bills that will ALWAYS be there? The man in this card reminds me to slip away to my own oasis every once in a while, or to indulge myself a little. To forget about the chaos around me, and listen to stillness.

BGT - What I need to let go of: 6 of swords.

Again, the LWB says in the shadow aspects of the card, that I should give up control and let someone else decide my next move. It suggests that I might feel depressed and "dead to the world" and too passive to achieve anything. It also suggests phobia about travel or a major move, and even a period of mourning a loss.

Now let me tell you how accurate this resonates with me. I have been mourning for 4 plus years! The loss of a friend due to a freak accident. The loss of a relationship with a man who loved only himself. The loss of myself while in that relationship. It is as if I pushed all my feelings of grief down deep and kept going, not allowing myself to feel anything. Then after my last relationship ended, I had to finally FEEL again. I had to pick up all my broken pieces, and literally glue myself back together again. Instead of mourning one broken relationship, I had to sift through several devastating moments in my life and find out where I went and how I was going to move forward alone. And now that I have done the majority of that, I have become complacent in my life. I live where I live, and am not willing or able to move. I love someone, but will not put forth any effort to be in a relationship with him, mainly because I know that it will require me to move 4 hours south from where I currently live, and I am not willing to move my children away from their friends again. They are military kids, and have sacrificed enough friends over the years. They deserve to spend their last years of school where they have found happiness. I feel that is the least that I can do for them. They deserve stability. Plus their father lives near, and I am unwilling to take them from him. I am fortunate to have him as their father because he is a good man.

The image on this card is that of a beautiful, mountainous, lake landscape. The time is sunset, and a small viking like boat sits peacefully on the water, near the shoreline. A body lays on the boat wrapped in soft, velvet like, red fabric. Two candles light the way for the ship, as they sit at the front of the boat, gently blowing in the breeze. There appears to be a grim reaper rowing the boat from behind the sleeping body, perhaps guiding the restful soul into the afterlife. They are not very far from land, so maybe they have already arrived to a different dimension? Or maybe they use the land as a compass, as they drift along the coast into the unknown?

Perhaps I should surrender to the unknown? Let go of my dead friend? Let go of the idea that I have to move to find a happy relationship with the man that I love? Perhaps if I stay right here, someone else that I am better suited with will find me as long as I continue moving forward, close to the land that I already see? Maybe I should go slower in that forward direction paying special attention not to blow out the light that guides me? If I go to fast, the wind will extinguish the light that I count on for guidance and warmth. I should learn that it's okay to be right where I am now? Let go of my need to control where I am headed? It all makes perfect sense, really.

So I should embrace where I am at now, and let go of the idea that I have someplace else to be.

Did I mention, I love these cards? :)

Blessed Be.