Through Wind, Sand & Snow

I haven't blogged in a few days due to something that has weighed quite heavily on my mind.

To make a long story short, I went out with a friend last Friday, and when she didn't think I could hear her, I heard her tell the events of our evening together in a very negative light to her other "friend." She exaggerated many things, and put a twist on them so that I looked bad, and she looked like a victim for hanging out with me. Like who on earth would want to hang out with me, right?

When I confronted her about it, she told me that she didn't do what I heard her do. I think I would have found an ounce of respect in the situation had she admitted it and maybe given a reason why she twisted things in her conversation with the other person. But she didn't take the higher road here. It hurt, and it was quite disappointing for me to say the least.

This person is someone that I have shared many personal things with from my life, and I have come to rely on her as a true friend. When someone has me as their friend, I would do anything for them. They just don't build friends like me anymore, I guess.

The above three psycards are to represent what I need to embrace about this situation. We have prison, never and the home.

Together, they tell me that I need to embrace that I got out of the house, and into a very public place, pushing my boundaries of comfort. I have been a hermit for quite a few years, and being out in public like this is something I used to always do, but now find very difficult to do. So this is the positive for me out of the whole event that transpired.

The 5 of swords from the Bohemian Gothic Tarot is to show me what my friendship with this person actually is. The 5 of swords is traditionally about either feeling defeated, or victorious at the expense of another. This battle is usually not an even match. The outcome, most likely a surprise. Very clearly, not an even friendship. See the wolf behind my back? Waiting to bite me when I am not looking. How can I not be disappointed here? It makes my stomach ill thinking about it.

The three psycards to the right here represent what I need to let go of in this situation. We have fortune, the moon and the tree.

Together, they tell me I need to let go of placing such high value on this friendship and to let my instincts guide me into the future. I stand tall, even when I stand alone. Here is where I take the higher road, the one less traveled.

The knight of swords from the Bohemian Gothic Tarot is to show me what my friendship with this person isn't. The knight of swords is traditionally about a leader with high intellect, quick wit and someone that can be a great friend if you don't cross them. The shadow side of this knight is someone who has to get their way, and takes advantage of others by trying to be intellectually superior.

I find the knight of swords to be much like me. Quick wit, and not to be crossed. And ironically, now, as I have seen her in action, she matches the personality of the knight's shadow side. She has always talked about her other "friends" in front of me in a bad way, I don't know why I thought that I would be so special. So in regards to what this friendship isn't -- it's certainly not a balanced, healthy friendship, and even though we are both intellectual people, one uses this for bad. Just as a super hero and a villain. It isn't the friendship that I thought it was.

I've seen my answers here before me in the cards, yet they are not a magic pill. I have all these feelings that I don't know what to do with. I lost my potential romantic partner in the not so distant past, and now I have come to realize that a friendship that I have had since 2008 isn't what I thought it was. I am that tree, firmly rooted in the ground. The wind, sand and snow will continue to try to damage me, but in the Spring, I will still have beautiful green leaves. There is a reason and a season for all things, I suppose. (sigh).

Blessed Be.

My Victory Feels Hollow

Bohemian Gothic Tarot

Today I drew the knight of wands, 2 of swords, and 6 of swords.

The knight of wands is about passion and impulse. As a person card, this person is likely someone who has immense charm, but lacks commitment. Most of his ideas are in his head, and never quite make them out. He may be a passionate lover, but he isn't "the one" who will warm your bed for the rest of your days.

In this card we have a young man standing in an overgrown graveyard. He is dressed in his best for appearance sake. He looks a bit snobbish and sure of himself. His horse is behind him, waiting outside the entrance for him when he returns. He isn't carrying flowers or anything to adore the grave he visits, which makes me think that he is only visiting it to make sure that the person is really dead. I doubt he will be spending much time there, and is probably on a schedule. Planting flowers is not on his itinerary as it might cause him to get his hands dirty.

The 2 of swords is about choices, inaction, balance, and blocking emotions. The two swords to me have always felt like a barrier, but one that is there on purpose, as if defending yourself from an attack.

In this card there is a young woman standing on a balcony under the night time sky. She is blindfolded, with her hands gently crossing her chest. If she chooses to, she can use her hands to uncover her eyes, but she doesn't. It makes me think that she is covering her eyes to avoid seeing the truth of something.

The blindfold gives her distance from her troubles, and serves as a distraction, helping to calm her mind. Her hands protect her heart. She has waited until the dead of the night, and found a place that she thinks will give her the privacy she needs, deliberately making herself unapproachable. Maybe even hiding.

Maybe the blindfold is a muse, rendering her most vulnerable, so that when she takes it off again, she will see how much control she has. She can then move forward with confidence knowing that things could always be worse.

The 6 of wands is about public recognition, progress, self-confidence and victory.  There is always a risk of being over confident though.

In this card we have a strong, robust man dressed in armor riding a horse. He is accompanied by soldiers who fight along beside him through his many battles. They wear masks to hide there true faces, but he himself doesn't. The blood on his lance is fresh, reminding us that victory isn't without the cost of something precious. There is no doubt that when people think of that battle, they will think of him, because he shows his true self, victoriously leaving the castle that he just conquered. A soldier is never without mental fatigue though, and they carry with them the screams of war. Though invisible, they are still very much there.

I can relate deeply with the cards presented before me today. I know this knight, and very well. He is the man who professed his love for me many times, but doesn't give me any real hope to hold onto. Unfortunately for him, his charm is starting to tarnish. I am the 2 of swords here, protecting myself, taking time out to be alone.

It is very tricky though, as he was a best friend since childhood. I have never looked at him before as a potential partner, so I could easily overlook his flaws before. But when we look for a mate, we have to see the flaws,  and the inconsistencies in their actions. We have to shine a light on EVERYTHING so that we can be sure if we are willing to live with it or not; to make sure we think its worth it to stay together.

This is where I become the 6 of wands, holding my head up high, knowing that I showed my true self. I put forth the effort and reached for him. But it was he, who chose to keep his mask on. My walking away comes at a high price; our friendship. I'm having trouble distinguishing the man in the mask verses the one without. Neither face is pleasing to see anymore, because the lines have been blurred. I was awake late last night trying to convince my heart that I am going to be okay. Although I fought bravely, and shared my vision, my victory feels hollow.

I will spend the day washing windows to cleanse my soul. Only when windows are clean can we see through them at all the details of our surroundings.

Blessed Be.

Take the Mic With You

I was fortunate to get a reading from a friend today, and it confirmed the feelings that I had in my gut.

Today I drew three cards from the Bohemian Gothic Tarot asking what I should do next in my "situation."

I get 9 of pentacles, 7 of swords and the Page of cups.

My first reaction when seeing the cards, pulling them one at a time was to compose myself (9 of pentacles), because I am a strong, independent woman, take from this situation, that which serves me well (7 of pentacles) and keep walking, because the love that is being offered to me isn't mature enough to sustain me, and only speaks of what I want to hear. (Page of cups).

But I will take a more detailed approach for the sake of interpreting the artist's beautiful cards.

9 of pentacles - This card is about being independent, and resilient. When we reach a certain age, we are able to let go of all the drama, and learn to be content with the things that truly matter to us. But there can also be that feeling that you've missed out on something in life. In my case, a relationship that I never gave a chance.

The woman in this card stands tall and proud, her hand out, strong, balanced and holding a hooded falcon.  The look on her face shows pride, but her clothes and wig suggest that she is somehow faking it. At her feet, the skulls of other birds, perhaps indication that she has been alone with her pet birds for quite sometime. She keeps her falcon hooded, which makes me think she doesn't want him to fly away and leave her completely alone. It's one thing to be single and without human company, but another to be void of all living creatures. I would find it hysterical to see a bunch of cats in the picture with her, turning her into an "old cat lady." LOL (my friend's tease me about this all the time, telling me that I will someday be one).

7 of swords - This card usually indicates a small deception or dishonesty. For me today, I am sure that it represents rushing into something risky without first doing research, or even a little bit of vengeance for hurt feelings.

The young girl in the picture is carefully tip toeing away with a book of spells. The castle behind her only has one lit window, but no one appears to be looking out at her, which means she is currently safe. I bet her heart is pounding though! The question is, what does she plan to do with that spell book? Is she going to use it for good, or bad? Perhaps the book belongs to her, and she is just getting away while the getting is good?

Page of cups - This particular page usually brings messages of emotion and love. (as stated above, in my particular situation, I am hearing words of love, but not seeing actions to accompany them). Although this page usually says things with passion and goodwill, he/she is still naive. There is usually an unwillingness to grow up and leave childhood dreams behind.

The girl on this image looks young, like most Pages do. She is standing on a set of stairs, outdoors in the dark of the night. The look on her face, dreamy and unsure of herself. She doesn't look like she is certain if she wants to take the last step or not. At the bottom of the railing, an urn sits adorn by a water sprite. It appears to be watching her, waiting for her to make a move, maybe even whispering how fun it will be to leave and be free. The ivy vines twisting around the railing suggesting that she feels like she can't breath in that place any longer. I don't know how planned this event is, as she only holds a tiny purse, indicating a mind that has yet to grow with maturity.

Even with these different layers of detail, I still get the feeling that my next move should be to walk away, letting the past and what "might have been" go. Sometimes its just best to not know. Planning any vengeance, or desiring to hurt back will not prove mature. It just is what it is.

That doesn't stop me from adding funny memes to this post though, as a means to relieve frustration! ;) I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

Blessed Be.

New Moon Perfection

Bohemian Gothic Tarot & Victorian Romantic Tarot

Today I drew the 8 of pentacles. In a standard Tarot deck, it usually represents being engaged in your work, learning all that you can along the way. It is about the quality of your work that makes you stand out above others. When you work at something hard enough, you can perfect it.

When looking at the card on the left, we see a little girl holding a doll in her arms. She has a smile on her face, and looks on at it with admiration.

The shopkeeper, assuming he is also the one who made the doll, folds his hands in front of him, watching after the little girl as she walks away, her back toward him. To me, the look on his face seems to be showing some resentment, or sadness. I am thinking that he put so much time, and effort into making this little doll, that he doesn't quite want to let it go.

In the card on the right, we see a young, handsome man sitting at the edge of his seat, balancing a pot on his lap. As he holds a paint brush in a very steady hand, he enthusiastically paints a pattern onto the pottery piece. His toes are even helping to balance him so that he doesn't slip up and make a mistake as he paints. He is at peace while he works. A woman looks on at him, admiring his work. It looks like she has been watching him for quite a while, being sure not to distract him, she leans against a wall keeping herself from making any sudden movements.

Tonight is a new moon, and I will be activating some magical things that I have ready to release into the Universe. When I do these rituals, I am sure to do them with as much intent, and perfection that I can. I start by clearing away any negativity, and grounding myself. Magic takes the path of least resistance, so I am sure that nothing I send out will keep it from manifesting.

Also, these cards put me to mind of how thoughtfully I prepared dinner tonight. I made sure that each bite would be full of flavor, and pleasing to our taste-buds. When I was finished, I put together eye pleasing plates, and sent them into the dinner area with the girls. I watched after them from the doorway, as they took their first bite. I wanted to be sure that they were as happy with how dinner turned out, as I was. Just as always, it took much less time to gobble the food than it did to prepare it.

Today is clearly about focus for me. :)

Blessed Be.

She Becomes a Woman

Victorian Romantic Tarot & Bohemian Gothic Tarot

I haven't blogged in a couple of days because something at home has kept me down and out. Today I drew a couple of cards to ask about my day, and I get the 3 of pentacles, and the 8 of cups.

Once again, I am drawing from the Victorian Romantic Tarot & the Bohemian Gothic Tarot, comparing cards and adding dimension to their meanings. 

The 3 of pentacles is a card that shows teamwork, or using ones skills to accomplish something, and then feeling fulfilled. 

Whenever we take on a project, we put forth the efforts to see it to fruition, and when we are done, if we did all that we were suppose to do, and correctly, we will have something to be proud of.  

In the first card above, we have an older gentleman / craftsman carving a Christmas ornament, while two children watch on, captivated by his skills and dedication. The little girl's eyebrows are raised showing us that she is surprised and excited to see the final results of this project. 

In the second card, we have the scientist who created Frankenstein. The scientist stands back, arms raised as he anticipates his genius project coming alive. Watching on eagerly, while Frankenstein checks himself out for the first time, seeing what he can and can't do for himself. 

I feel like the past couple of days, I have been the scientist and my oldest daughter Frankenstein. When I went to pick the girls up from their father, I noticed AGAIN that my oldest daughter had went shopping for more clothes. It happens a lot. Every girl likes fine clothes, right? Well, I am all good and well with that except for the fact that my youngest daughter doesn't get anything. It's starting to feel like the new wife favors one child over the other, and my youngest daughter is also noticing, after all, she is 13. This will not pave the road for any bonding in the future, for this I am sure! 

Well being the mother that I am, I feel like I am the voice for my children. When they are being neglected or treated unfairly, it is still my responsibility to say something about it; so I did. My words weren't harsh, and I was diplomatic, but this still left a rift between me and my older daughter. I suppose she didn't like the fact that I told her that she was old enough to see what was going on, and that she knows right from wrong. I told her that she should have mentioned her sister, or tried to bring her back something from her trip to the store. I have never gone to the store and brought back for one and not the other just because one decided to stay home. Even when I dated men who had children of their own, I never felt right buying for my children and not his. I thought this was something that every mother would feel. But apparently not. So, I talked to the kid's father to make sure that this will not continue to happen. I  have one daughter with too many clothes to fit in a dresser, and another with hardly any. *sigh*

The 8 of cups is about abandonment, escaping something, and disappointments. 

The card on the left is of a woman who has walked partially down a sidewalk, and stops to wipe away her tears. Her dog looks like he is hesitant to further approach her, feeling her sadness, he tucks his tail between his legs. Behind them is 8 empty cups. It appears she was tending to her garden, but stopped before she was finished, due to this heaviness she feels in her heart; this disappointment. 

The card to the right, is rather intriguing. Each time I look at it, I give the woman a new story. This time, I see her as me. She wears pearls, and has her hair up, showing her maturity. She appears to be leaving behind the things that upset her and cause her grief, but she heads through a doorway that looks pretty scary. It has a skull above it, and it is very dark and eerie. She pauses for a moment to look behind her, her face full of concern. This is a transition period for her.

It is a transition period for me. I have raised two beautiful daughters into fine young women, and there are times when I must be their mother instead of their friend. Regardless of how it makes me feel, I still have to do what is right, and they will just have to get over it, or don't.

All that is left now is to give her space. Now that I think of it, this card could even be her, looking behind her toward me, and yet moving away from me one step at a time. It is her turn to transition into a mature young woman, and my turn to let go and see the fruits of my labor unfold before me, no longer under my control. Gulp. No easy feat for me!

Blessed Be.

Put On A Happy Face

Bohemian Gothic Tarot & Victorian Romantic Tarot
Queen of Cups

Today's card what the Queen of cups. She is quite beautiful in both cards. In the Bohemian Gothic Tarot she is alluring, and dreamy. All the Queens in this deck look as if they are hiding something, much like Queens of real life.

In real life, they have always had to put on an angelic, pretty face and be mostly subservient to their King and husband. Men, especially in times further in our past, have been married off to women who were usually betrothed to them at an early age. Love was a word of least importance, and often times void in the marriage altogether. I am sure over an extended period of time they would grow to care for one another, but political alliances were the inspiration for such matches, leaving emotional feelings to take a backseat.

Ironically, the Queen of cups in a traditional Tarot deck is used to represent emotional security. I doubt most Queens felt much of that in their lifetime! However, they were groomed from an early age to refrain from showing any emotions, and to keep up appearances. This beautiful Queen is certainly doing a fine job as she sits, arms stretched upward, calm, looking like she hasn't a care in the world. Her harp resting on her lap, chalice at her feet. Her clothes and jewels chosen with dignity and pride. The look on her face shows of a woman who thinks happy thoughts, or one who has escaped reality for a little while, dreaming of a life outside the walls of the castle. The crow / raven perched next to her tells a different story. He sits, waiting patiently for her to snap back to reality. He keeps her secrets, secrets that she only shares with him.

The Queen in the Victorian Romantic Tarot sits on a beautifully carved throne and glances off into the East, as if looking on at the rest of the world, and trying to sneak a peek into what life is like for those who live outside the castle walls. Still in this card, that dreamy look on her face. At her feet a golden chalice, flowers, a book, and a sleeping baby. This must be her baby because it is well cared for. I would think that the artist placed the baby here to show off the Queen's compassionate personality, but also to show that there is still an undertone of innocence left to be seen if one looks closely at her. Although she appears to be a stunning, well put together, grown woman, inside she still has the fragile, hopeful, romantic notions of a child.

Today, my day is less busy than the days prior. I do have to go into work for a short time, but my plans are to be at home and do some reading (hence the book at the Queen's feet), and just enjoy the quiet of my home. My girls are away visiting their father. I pick them up tomorrow. Maybe some self care is needed today, and that I should do something that makes me feel rejuvenated, all the while, putting on a happy face.

Blessed Be.

Flowers Grow Where They Are Planted

Today's cards are drawn again from the Bohemian Gothic Tarot, and the Victorian Romantic Tarot, both published by the same company. Baba Studios.

I get the page of swords. The page of swords is a card that symbolizes a curiosity or a mental anxiety / restlessness.

In the darker card, we have a woman who looks to be in a park at night. I wonder if she arrived at the park earlier, and sat next to the lantern in hopes that when darkness fell, it would give her some sort of light to comfort her? She looks like she is to meet someone, and I picture her frequently looking over her shoulder. Her mannerism in the image shows definite restlessness or angst. There is an angel behind her holding a sword. It is pointing down as if the angel is distracted by something other than the swords pointed edge.The angel in deep thought.

In the lighter card, a young man dressed in blue and yellow stands with his feet shoulder length apart in a garden outside a castle. Beside him is his friendly companion, a golden colored dog. Neither seem to be in motion, but just standing there, thinking. The man is not looking down, or even ahead, but off into space, perhaps lost in a daydream. The sword in his hand is pointing forward, but without intent to use it. He absolutely looks curious, and distracted. I'm betting that if I were standing before him in the garden he would have a lot to say, and with enthusiasm.

The 10 of swords on the left is of a woman who mourns for a lost loved one as she sits wiping her tears at their grave site, toward evening. You can tell that she visits the grave often because their are many flowers there, and they look well groomed. It also looks like the grave is on a hill over looking water, a rather lovely place for a loved one to rest eternally. There had to have been a lot of thought that went into finding this most perfect place. The sky is darkened by some rain clouds, but also some sunlight peeks through, leaving the sky pink. They say, "pink sky at night is a sailors delight, but if in the morning, sailors take warning." With that said, it may very well symbolize that her time for mourning may soon be over.

The 10 of swords on the right is such a beautiful image, and one like no other that I have seen. I find it stunning to look at, as it speaks volumes. The 10 of swords in general talks about betrayal, defeat and loss. In this image a person lays in the shallow water on a beach. How they got there, I can not say for sure, but it does make me think that they may have survived a great storm. The waves are crashing, and they have white caps. I am sure that the water is chilly and the wind quite fierce. The seagulls flying overhead may even be having trouble flying, yet they stay captivated by what goes on beneath them on the shoreline. A wave, in the form of a beautiful woman wraps its self around this person, as if to provide a safe haven, shelter from the storm. To me the waves symbolize the passing of emotions. This person lays wrapped up in their emotions, and can't find strength in themselves to get up and out of the water to dry off. They have lost all hope, and look for comfort in themselves. This usually happens when one feels the sting of betrayal, or defeat. There will however come a time when this person will have to get out of the water, or die from hypothermia, or even dehydration.

These cards are quite accurate for me during the last few hours. I am in deep thought, distracted by all sorts of things, trying to focus on one matter that needs my attention.

It is an emotional matter, and it causes me some deep pain, pain so deep that I rarely let it surface. I bet if it did surface I would cry an ocean, and be that person defeated, laying in the water feeling sorry for myself.

I have to remind myself that I am not a victim, nor do I have no say over my life! The truth is, I have most say over my life, and especially in the matter that I speak of.

I think the cards are telling me that  I need to let this emotional attachment go and return to the sea so that this mourning process can finally be over. It is what it is, and despite my grooming the flowers to make things look pretty, the truth is, I am rooted in the dirt where my feet walk, and flowers don't transplant well after digging them up. Neither does the past! If it didn't work before, it probably isn't going to now. You can't move forward by looking behind you.

Blessed Be.

Turned Into Stone

Today I drew the 8 of wands, and Justice. To the left is the Victorian Romantic Tarot, and below is the Bohemian Gothic Tarot. I think they compliment each other beautifully.

The 8 of wands is about speed, and constancy, or things happening swiftly. In the Victorian Romantic Tarot, the 8 of wands is of a man who is lunging forward, perhaps in a race with two animals. The look on his face is really intense and he is doing what he must to win the race. They are running down hill, which can be very helpful in conserving energy, but it can also be detrimental if they were to stumble at the speed they are going! I picture a few thuds, a scream, and a face plant. LOL

In the Bohemian Gothic Tarot, there is a dark, earthly sky filed with clouds, and in the background fire and smoke. Gargoyles are in motion, as if ready to attack those who have penetrated the castle walls. The statue in front of them is of a hunched back man looking behind him in fright, as a lion bites at his heals. There is definitely an urgency about this card, and a lot of movement. But in retrospect, the movement is frozen into statues. Perhaps symbolizing frustration? Or even the importance of knowing exactly what it is that we are rushing into? We should pay mind to the dangers that may lie ahead, so that we can be best prepared for our advancement.

The Justice card in the Victorian Romantic Tarot is of a beautiful maiden with long, red hair holding a scale in one hand and a sword in the other. The sword at her side, its tip into the earth. She has the option of using it, but she doesn't. Perhaps a reminder that Justice will always prevail, even without trying? The fallen angel is cast over the side of the cliff, where fire awaits his fall. The scale dangling above his head, as he looks on it in fear.

In the Bohemian Gothic Tarot, the judge holds a book in one hand and a candle stick in the other. The book that happens to be on how to discover and execute witches. In the background, down the long narrow, dark hallway, it appears that a fire may have been set, as the warm glow reflects through the bottom of a closed door. The candle stick in the judge's hand is gripped tightly, Maybe in anger or regret? The figure behind the judge is what appears to be a priest in a hooded cloak. He folds his hands in front of him as if pleased with himself. He looks on at the judge making sure that he doesn't disobey him, or make a fuss of what has unfolded behind the closed, glowing door. Regardless of the judge's position, the church has supreme authority in his realm. His feelings are irrelevant. This card reminds us that the outcome isn't always fair. Strong prejudices and societies rules can have a heavy influence on such matters, causing some to see in black and white, and others to see in grey.

It is quite interesting how these two cards came up for me today. My youngest daughter has seen some injustice over the past couple of days, and she wasn't quite sure how to approach the matter. These cards show our desire to move forward, but the long pause taken as we sift through the ashes (our thoughts). And then ultimately deciding to turn a blind eye to it because it is pretty much out of our hands. It will be remembered, but muted for now. Turned into stone.

Blessed Be.

Where I am is just fine!

So, I finally broke down a few months ago and bought two very desired decks on my wish list. I have never been able to put aside enough money to get a deck from Baba Studio before, but I decided that I deserved to spoil myself with these. I haven't bought anything for myself in quite a while, and this is my reward for being such a good girl! I am SUPER happy I did, because the minute I put the Bohemian Gothic Tarot in my hands, I felt a deep rooted connection. I haven't ever felt this connection with a deck before - ever! I love it. It feels like it was made just for me.

The Bohemian Gothic Tarot deck that I purchased is the 3rd edition, and The Victorian Romantic Tarot I bought is the 2nd edition.

I have always been intrigued by comparing decks, and also using the darker decks for "shadow" work. I thought these two would be ideal for such a study.

While getting to know my cards, I am going to do readings asking one what I need to embrace, and the other what I need to let go in order to get to where I want to be in life.

VRT - What I need to embrace: 9 of cups.

According to the LWB that comes with the deck, the 9 of cups stands for attaining pleasure from good, basic things. Learning to find happiness in a down-to-earth kind of way. Concentrating on ones well-being and allowing yourself small indulgences (like me buying these cards!). When we learn to do this, we allow ourselves to begin to fulfill our wishes. We all get caught up in our lives and forget to enjoy simple things like that great glass of wine, or the warmth of your child's smile, or the sound of birds chirping as you greet your morning - alive and well.

The image on this card is of a man who sits on the edge of his seat drinking a big mug of whatever he likes best. Although his elbow rests on the table beside him, he still looks as if his seat is not comfortable to him. He has one foot forward, and the other back and the look on his face makes me think that he wants to drink to forget the ridiculous clothing he wears. LOL. The stained glass window to the right is letting in some light, reminding him that daylight is in bloom and he should get out and enjoy some fresh air. Perhaps he has over sipped some wine and needed to sit down for lack of balance? Maybe he was working in kitchen all morning serving the masters of the house, and now he takes some time out for himself to enjoy some fine wine when no one is looking? I know I would! So why don't I?

Why do I let so many days go by before I allow myself  to enjoy things? Why do I let myself stress over things that I can't change, or the endless pile of bills that will ALWAYS be there? The man in this card reminds me to slip away to my own oasis every once in a while, or to indulge myself a little. To forget about the chaos around me, and listen to stillness.

BGT - What I need to let go of: 6 of swords.

Again, the LWB says in the shadow aspects of the card, that I should give up control and let someone else decide my next move. It suggests that I might feel depressed and "dead to the world" and too passive to achieve anything. It also suggests phobia about travel or a major move, and even a period of mourning a loss.

Now let me tell you how accurate this resonates with me. I have been mourning for 4 plus years! The loss of a friend due to a freak accident. The loss of a relationship with a man who loved only himself. The loss of myself while in that relationship. It is as if I pushed all my feelings of grief down deep and kept going, not allowing myself to feel anything. Then after my last relationship ended, I had to finally FEEL again. I had to pick up all my broken pieces, and literally glue myself back together again. Instead of mourning one broken relationship, I had to sift through several devastating moments in my life and find out where I went and how I was going to move forward alone. And now that I have done the majority of that, I have become complacent in my life. I live where I live, and am not willing or able to move. I love someone, but will not put forth any effort to be in a relationship with him, mainly because I know that it will require me to move 4 hours south from where I currently live, and I am not willing to move my children away from their friends again. They are military kids, and have sacrificed enough friends over the years. They deserve to spend their last years of school where they have found happiness. I feel that is the least that I can do for them. They deserve stability. Plus their father lives near, and I am unwilling to take them from him. I am fortunate to have him as their father because he is a good man.

The image on this card is that of a beautiful, mountainous, lake landscape. The time is sunset, and a small viking like boat sits peacefully on the water, near the shoreline. A body lays on the boat wrapped in soft, velvet like, red fabric. Two candles light the way for the ship, as they sit at the front of the boat, gently blowing in the breeze. There appears to be a grim reaper rowing the boat from behind the sleeping body, perhaps guiding the restful soul into the afterlife. They are not very far from land, so maybe they have already arrived to a different dimension? Or maybe they use the land as a compass, as they drift along the coast into the unknown?

Perhaps I should surrender to the unknown? Let go of my dead friend? Let go of the idea that I have to move to find a happy relationship with the man that I love? Perhaps if I stay right here, someone else that I am better suited with will find me as long as I continue moving forward, close to the land that I already see? Maybe I should go slower in that forward direction paying special attention not to blow out the light that guides me? If I go to fast, the wind will extinguish the light that I count on for guidance and warmth. I should learn that it's okay to be right where I am now? Let go of my need to control where I am headed? It all makes perfect sense, really.

So I should embrace where I am at now, and let go of the idea that I have someplace else to be.

Did I mention, I love these cards? :)

Blessed Be.