Where I am is just fine!

So, I finally broke down a few months ago and bought two very desired decks on my wish list. I have never been able to put aside enough money to get a deck from Baba Studio before, but I decided that I deserved to spoil myself with these. I haven't bought anything for myself in quite a while, and this is my reward for being such a good girl! I am SUPER happy I did, because the minute I put the Bohemian Gothic Tarot in my hands, I felt a deep rooted connection. I haven't ever felt this connection with a deck before - ever! I love it. It feels like it was made just for me.

The Bohemian Gothic Tarot deck that I purchased is the 3rd edition, and The Victorian Romantic Tarot I bought is the 2nd edition.

I have always been intrigued by comparing decks, and also using the darker decks for "shadow" work. I thought these two would be ideal for such a study.

While getting to know my cards, I am going to do readings asking one what I need to embrace, and the other what I need to let go in order to get to where I want to be in life.

VRT - What I need to embrace: 9 of cups.

According to the LWB that comes with the deck, the 9 of cups stands for attaining pleasure from good, basic things. Learning to find happiness in a down-to-earth kind of way. Concentrating on ones well-being and allowing yourself small indulgences (like me buying these cards!). When we learn to do this, we allow ourselves to begin to fulfill our wishes. We all get caught up in our lives and forget to enjoy simple things like that great glass of wine, or the warmth of your child's smile, or the sound of birds chirping as you greet your morning - alive and well.

The image on this card is of a man who sits on the edge of his seat drinking a big mug of whatever he likes best. Although his elbow rests on the table beside him, he still looks as if his seat is not comfortable to him. He has one foot forward, and the other back and the look on his face makes me think that he wants to drink to forget the ridiculous clothing he wears. LOL. The stained glass window to the right is letting in some light, reminding him that daylight is in bloom and he should get out and enjoy some fresh air. Perhaps he has over sipped some wine and needed to sit down for lack of balance? Maybe he was working in kitchen all morning serving the masters of the house, and now he takes some time out for himself to enjoy some fine wine when no one is looking? I know I would! So why don't I?

Why do I let so many days go by before I allow myself  to enjoy things? Why do I let myself stress over things that I can't change, or the endless pile of bills that will ALWAYS be there? The man in this card reminds me to slip away to my own oasis every once in a while, or to indulge myself a little. To forget about the chaos around me, and listen to stillness.

BGT - What I need to let go of: 6 of swords.

Again, the LWB says in the shadow aspects of the card, that I should give up control and let someone else decide my next move. It suggests that I might feel depressed and "dead to the world" and too passive to achieve anything. It also suggests phobia about travel or a major move, and even a period of mourning a loss.

Now let me tell you how accurate this resonates with me. I have been mourning for 4 plus years! The loss of a friend due to a freak accident. The loss of a relationship with a man who loved only himself. The loss of myself while in that relationship. It is as if I pushed all my feelings of grief down deep and kept going, not allowing myself to feel anything. Then after my last relationship ended, I had to finally FEEL again. I had to pick up all my broken pieces, and literally glue myself back together again. Instead of mourning one broken relationship, I had to sift through several devastating moments in my life and find out where I went and how I was going to move forward alone. And now that I have done the majority of that, I have become complacent in my life. I live where I live, and am not willing or able to move. I love someone, but will not put forth any effort to be in a relationship with him, mainly because I know that it will require me to move 4 hours south from where I currently live, and I am not willing to move my children away from their friends again. They are military kids, and have sacrificed enough friends over the years. They deserve to spend their last years of school where they have found happiness. I feel that is the least that I can do for them. They deserve stability. Plus their father lives near, and I am unwilling to take them from him. I am fortunate to have him as their father because he is a good man.

The image on this card is that of a beautiful, mountainous, lake landscape. The time is sunset, and a small viking like boat sits peacefully on the water, near the shoreline. A body lays on the boat wrapped in soft, velvet like, red fabric. Two candles light the way for the ship, as they sit at the front of the boat, gently blowing in the breeze. There appears to be a grim reaper rowing the boat from behind the sleeping body, perhaps guiding the restful soul into the afterlife. They are not very far from land, so maybe they have already arrived to a different dimension? Or maybe they use the land as a compass, as they drift along the coast into the unknown?

Perhaps I should surrender to the unknown? Let go of my dead friend? Let go of the idea that I have to move to find a happy relationship with the man that I love? Perhaps if I stay right here, someone else that I am better suited with will find me as long as I continue moving forward, close to the land that I already see? Maybe I should go slower in that forward direction paying special attention not to blow out the light that guides me? If I go to fast, the wind will extinguish the light that I count on for guidance and warmth. I should learn that it's okay to be right where I am now? Let go of my need to control where I am headed? It all makes perfect sense, really.

So I should embrace where I am at now, and let go of the idea that I have someplace else to be.

Did I mention, I love these cards? :)

Blessed Be.

Let Go & Live

Have you ever felt like your inside self didn't match your outside self? When you get up and move across the room, you feel confident and sexy, but when you pass the mirror on the wall you see someone that you hardly recognize? That's me. I have been walking for the last couple weeks on an almost daily basis, only taking weekends off. I did this same thing last year, but this year I have stepped it up and added a couple miles a day.

Last night, while looking out my front door I saw that one girl in the neighborhood that I do not get a long with. I think we all have at least one of those, don't we? Well, for years now, I can't help but compete with her in my head. In order to stop myself from doing this, I stay away from her side of town, and avoid bumping into her. It has worked, up until now, when she walked past my own front porch. Yuck!   

Anyhow, I woke up with the urge to get right out there and walk my ass off today, competing with her again. So, now you know, I'm not as confident as I would like to be! Comparing myself to someone else. How dare I? Instead of using her as motivation to kick butt on my walk today, I asked my Wild Unknown Tarot to help. This is what it said .... only in my voice and not a cool voice like Sam Elliott.

What I need to let go of - 5 of swords. Self destructive behaviors! Boy, if I didn't almost spit coffee on that one. In a traditional RWS card the image is of a man facing his enemies with a sword. His enemies lay down their weapons and walk away. I admit, I felt like the one who braves them all and stands there still holding my sword when I woke up this morning. But now I kind of feel like this snake like figure, burning from the inside because I have been cut. I am in the body that I am in because I participated in destructive behaviors. Now it is up to me to learn to let go of those patterns, and form more healthy ones. Thank you Tarot for being so direct. Sometimes my head is like meat sauce.

What I need to embrace - 6 of wands. Rise above! I am that beautiful butterfly, but if I drop my guard, and don't pay close attention to where I go, what I do, (what I put into my friggin mouth), I will entangle myself in the brush underneath me, thus damaging my wings, and hindering my ability to fly.

Hope this is not only inspirational for myself, but also to anyone else who is on the same journey as myself. Good luck.

Blessed Be.

Darkness before the Dawn

This morning I could not sleep so I awoke and made a cup of coffee. I drank it out on the front porch in silence, still dark out. It was only 4 am, so the good part of the world was still asleep. The birds were singing and it was peaceful. It centered me, bringing me the balance that I needed after waking up thinking of David. (the ex bf) I could feel the presence of mother earth, and felt her hug me, trying to offer me comfort and ease my pain.

After my coffee, I came inside and lit a candle, and drew two tarot cards. One to tell me what I should embrace today, and one to tell me what I needed to let go of.

The card that I drew telling me what I need to let go of was the Guardian of Action. I knew straight away that this was David, because it even looks similar to him! Waking to his memory this morning made me question why now? After four plus years, why do I suddenly wake to such paralyzing memories? Why now after all this time? Why does he still have this hold over me? The ability to continue hurting me even when he has long since been out of the picture?

The Guardian of Action enjoys the spotlight, just as David had. I was made to put on a happy face, get thin and be arm candy for him. I was only there to accommodate his desires, to be seen and not heard from like a child. I find it most difficult  because even though I was a shell of a person, I was thin and beautiful. It is hard for me to let go of HER (who I was when I was with him). Even though inside I was dying, on the outside I was everything that I aspire to be now.

Even though I am more me now than I have ever been before, my outsides do not match what is inside, and I want it to so badly. I lack luster now. My guides are correct on so many levels here. I can not move forward until I can let go of all things 'David.' Even the person I was back then.

The card drawn to show me what I should be embracing is the 10 of Action. At first it confused me, but then after some quiet meditation, I realized that it was telling me to look at how far I have come without him! I have successfully raised my two daughters (they are not his children) alone with little help from anyone. I get child support from their father, and I am very grateful for that. But the rest has been all me. They are charming young girls, with a bright future ahead of them, and even if I don't usually give myself credit, credit is due.  

The card says on it, "Straining to make others happy can be harmful to your health." This jumped out to me, reminding me that my goals are made with the best of intentions, but until I learn to let go of my past, I can not be as healthy, thin, and beautiful as I wish to be. I have to do it for me, and not anyone else. In my mind, the majority of the time, I want to get thin so that I can satisfy the old records in my head of him telling me that I am fat, and that I need to lose weight. But if I learn to quiet those thoughts, and replace them with new ones, than perhaps I can learn to love the woman staring back at me in the mirror. Perhaps, I can accept her the way that she already is. Do it because I want to, and not because I feel someone else expects me to.

There will be darkness before the dawn. When I close my eyes, and listen to my spirit guides, they tell me six little words, "this is stress related, let go." And who better understands me than they do?

Blessed Be.

Heigh ho off to the post office I go ...

Today's cards are pretty straight forward.

Using my Housewives Tarot:

1. 9 of cups - what I need to embrace today. The nine of cups is about happiness and comfort. After making difficult decisions with the 7, and the stagnation of the 8, the 9 starts to balance things out again. Today is my day off from work. So for me it is about working all week, putting everything into my work week, and then having my day off. I will be embracing the comfort of my own home today, and enjoying something more creative and much needed. This card makes me think of a bottle of wine! Perhaps it is time to give a gift to myself? :D A new Tarot deck?!!

2. 9 of pentacles - what I need to let go of today. The nine of pentacles is about independence, luxury and being self-sufficient. The shadow side of this card talks about over investment and financial setbacks. There is a new Tarot deck that I have been dying to have, and it has weighed heavily on my mind the last couple of days. To me, the presence of the 9 of pentacles reminds me that if I spend this money, I will have a financial setback, so it is probably best that I wait. How strange that the 9 of cups wants to give it to me, but the 9 of pentacles says, "not right now." She is such a meanie. (LOL)

On to Lenormand ....

I have committed myself (ring) to sending out a package (letter) successfully today (sun). To top it off, it is a Tarot deck. (LOL) Someone else will be getting a new deck, but it won't be me. As I quickly wipe away a tear, and chug some coffee, I prepare myself for the day ahead. That bottle of wine is sounding really good right now. It must be noon somewhere?!

So, Heigh Ho, off to the post office I go. Have a wonderful day.

Blessed Be.

** update **

I got my package successfully sent out today. And  I was feeling the pull to spend that money for a nice new deck, but I was able to suppress it. For a little while, anyway. ha.

Baby it's cold outside ....

I decided to get back into posting my daily draws so that I will hold myself accountable to continue using my many Tarot cards. I have submersed myself into learning Lenormand for a few years now, but while doing that, my Tarot reading has taken a back seat. My pretty card collection isn't being used, and that is really sad.

The cards I chose to use today are from the Housewives Tarot.  I drew two Tarot cards:

1. To represent what I need to embrace today - Chariot.
2. To represent what I need to let go of today - 10 of cups.

The Lenormand cards are : Scythe + Snake + Bear representing what I can expect out of my day today.

Immediately, I was able to relate to the Lenormand cards. I find it really ironic sometimes that three little cards often times tell me about a couple of different things that occur during my daily activity. First and foremost, my TV is currently on TLC and airing a show about a woman who is getting weight loss surgery. (Scythe+Bear) When she gets weight loss surgery, she becomes a more curvaceous, seductive, attractive woman. (Snake).

But setting that aside, I will attempt to predict what I think the cards will mean for me today.

I see that a woman's decision (scythe + bear) although complicated (snake) will become final (scythe). Or that a woman (snake) will have to make a financial decision. (scythe+bear). Since the scythe comes before the snake, it can serve as a reminder to beware of a woman.

I happen to know that today is bill paying day, so it can also be possible that it will show me giving away a big chunk of my money today. Also, currently I take walks each day to try to lose some weight, so maybe today my walk gets canceled, after all, it is raining out. :)

Chariot - In the little book that accompanies my cards, it says, "that a woman can't run errands by sitting on her sofa," and urges her to gas up the station wagon, and hit the road. Some decisions will be made while out and about, and adding a little adventurous route on the way home might be a little fun.  It says, "nothing ventured, nothing gained!" 

So the Chariot, in the form of a station wagon, tells me that I should try and find fun where fun isn't today. Since my walk may be canceled due to the rain, maybe I can do something crafty instead. Or find an indoor exercise to do? (probably won't - ha ha ha). I know myself too well.

10 of Cups - In the little book, it says, "a jubilant housewife proudly displays her collection of drinking glasses." and "if life hands you lemons, mix up a Tom Collins!" Housewives are masters of their trade. They have a recipe for everything, and they often times keep their bar fully stocked. In my case, my refrigerator! lol

So the 10 of cups, tells me that I should let go of the urge to overeat today since I may not be able to go on my walk and burn off extra calories. How literal cards can be. I love them. They give me fresh perspective every time I use them.

Enjoy your day.
Blessed Be.

** update **

Scythe + Snake + Bear was actually the theme of my day.

My daughter came home from school, and was anxious to tell me about her dream the night before. She said she woke with a "Lizzie Bordon" song in her head. (LOL) We both had a laugh there.

Then when I went to bed, I fell asleep to another show about a woman with weight loss surgery.

Oh, and I did have the last say about something today. It was a difficult decision, and it was about money management.

I didn't go for my walk today because the weather wasn't cooperating. So I was able to relax for the most part, until work anyway. Overeating was a tough one! Especially at night.

Window to the Soul Spread - Renaissance Lenormand

I found this spread and really wanted to try it out with Lenormand because it is read in combinations. It is meant for regular playing cards, but I used Lenormand because I feel most comfortable with them.

It is called "Windows to the Soul Spread." It is mean for someone who is in a new relationship and is wishing to somewhat "spy" on their partner to see how things are progressing. For those who want to know "What's going on in his/her life right now?" and for those who aren't restricted by the ethics of such a reading.

I performed it for Tracy, and let me tell you, it is super fun! I happen to know a little bit about Tracy, and her partner, so my interpretations are put into words that I know she will understand.

Tracy and her partner have been together first as friends, then as best friends, and then calling one another partners, but they still have not had sexual relations, she suspects because he is over weight and down on himself. So with that said, let me present her reading:

Cards used: Renaissance Lenormand by Bridgett Trejo

1/10 - the person whom he will spend the most time with? coffin & mice - this person will be the one who has been with him through depression and illness, someone who didn't run when the going got tough. since i know a little bit about the situation, Tracy - this is certainly you.

2/11 - the person he loves the most? fox & crossroads - there are two people he loves the most, but one is no longer in his path. the one remaining in his path, whom he loves the most is someone who knows what to say and when to say it, someone who sees all sides of a situation and is clever with a red tint to their hair. again, Tracy - i am sure that this is you.

3/12 - what is draining his energy & wearing him out? garden + ring - engagement, public agreement. since i know a little bit about the two of you already, i would say that your desire for him to take an additional step forward in your relationship wears him out, that and the idea that he knows that he needs to get out of the house more.

4/13 - the solution to that problem? book & house - wait until he is ready to reveal himself to you and is more comfortable, be patient. (oh gosh, i know, how much more patient can you get lol)

5/14 - his REAL problem? star & sun - big win / honor - he doesn't feel good enough or he feels too big. (you know what this means)

6/15 - the solution to that problem? woman & ship - for you to help him get moving.

7/16 - what shocks him? child & clover - positive new start, lucky - he can't believe that he has you in his life. he feels lucky.

8/17 - what his heart truly long for? letter & bouquet - to communicate his affection and happiness with you.

9/18 - something pleasant that will occur in the next 2 months? snake & rider - to add to this, i had to draw another card for more information, i drew the lily. i dare say that within the next couple of months your relationship will become sexual in nature. he will be more flexible around you & communicate openly.

Hope you enjoyed it Tracy. Love & Light. xo

UPDATE ** exactly two months later, they consummated their relationship. :)

Celtic Lenormand Review

Yesterday I got my Celtic Lenormand in the mail. This is a project that my facebook friend Chloe has been working on for quite a long time. She picked the perfect artist to paint these images. I knew before I got them that they were going to be beautiful, but in person they are deserving of words far more impressive. At first I ordered through amazon, but switched over to us games because I got tired of waiting for them. It only took three days to get them through us games, so I highly recommend them!

The box that they come in is very sturdy and just as pretty as the cards themselves. When I opened the box, I was surprised to find a 187 page booklet that tells about the cards, as well as how to use them. I especially like that each card has keywords, description, meaning, spiritual reading, dark / light, spell use, timing, affirmation, and a deity association. There are a number of spreads that are very interesting. I look forward to trying them out.

There are 45 cards painted in a Brittany landscape, all Celtic themed. So colorful! They have their playing card insert on them in a small circle on the lower right of the card, and their Lenormand number on the top left. The deck has a 36 card structure that has been maintained from the traditional Lenormand system, as well as 9 additional cards added to make the Celtic Lenormand an oracle of it's own. These cards were added to bring depth to readings, and to develop and God / Goddess aspect to the cards. The Celts lived by observing the different phases of the moon, and following the concept of the wheel of the year. This deck reflects these same ideas on the cards. From the moment I peeled off the plastic and shuffled through the images, I knew that it would be a favorite deck. In fact, I plan on buying an extra to have on hand, and I rarely do that. I am as much in love with this deck as I am my own Renaissance Lenormand.

Wonderful job Chloe & Will! They are breathtaking, and I can see your love poured into them. I also want to applaud you for going forward with the project despite any flack that you might have been given for stepping off from the path of those who are more traditional in the Lenormand community. I try to stick to a very traditional reading style when using Lenormand myself, and I see no issues in using these cards while doing so. They are easy to tell each card apart and it is effortless to set aside the extra cards if I don't want to use them. I recommend this deck to everyone as both a Lenormand and an Oracle.