Darkness before the Dawn

This morning I could not sleep so I awoke and made a cup of coffee. I drank it out on the front porch in silence, still dark out. It was only 4 am, so the good part of the world was still asleep. The birds were singing and it was peaceful. It centered me, bringing me the balance that I needed after waking up thinking of David. (the ex bf) I could feel the presence of mother earth, and felt her hug me, trying to offer me comfort and ease my pain.

After my coffee, I came inside and lit a candle, and drew two tarot cards. One to tell me what I should embrace today, and one to tell me what I needed to let go of.

The card that I drew telling me what I need to let go of was the Guardian of Action. I knew straight away that this was David, because it even looks similar to him! Waking to his memory this morning made me question why now? After four plus years, why do I suddenly wake to such paralyzing memories? Why now after all this time? Why does he still have this hold over me? The ability to continue hurting me even when he has long since been out of the picture?

The Guardian of Action enjoys the spotlight, just as David had. I was made to put on a happy face, get thin and be arm candy for him. I was only there to accommodate his desires, to be seen and not heard from like a child. I find it most difficult  because even though I was a shell of a person, I was thin and beautiful. It is hard for me to let go of HER (who I was when I was with him). Even though inside I was dying, on the outside I was everything that I aspire to be now.

Even though I am more me now than I have ever been before, my outsides do not match what is inside, and I want it to so badly. I lack luster now. My guides are correct on so many levels here. I can not move forward until I can let go of all things 'David.' Even the person I was back then.

The card drawn to show me what I should be embracing is the 10 of Action. At first it confused me, but then after some quiet meditation, I realized that it was telling me to look at how far I have come without him! I have successfully raised my two daughters (they are not his children) alone with little help from anyone. I get child support from their father, and I am very grateful for that. But the rest has been all me. They are charming young girls, with a bright future ahead of them, and even if I don't usually give myself credit, credit is due.  

The card says on it, "Straining to make others happy can be harmful to your health." This jumped out to me, reminding me that my goals are made with the best of intentions, but until I learn to let go of my past, I can not be as healthy, thin, and beautiful as I wish to be. I have to do it for me, and not anyone else. In my mind, the majority of the time, I want to get thin so that I can satisfy the old records in my head of him telling me that I am fat, and that I need to lose weight. But if I learn to quiet those thoughts, and replace them with new ones, than perhaps I can learn to love the woman staring back at me in the mirror. Perhaps, I can accept her the way that she already is. Do it because I want to, and not because I feel someone else expects me to.

There will be darkness before the dawn. When I close my eyes, and listen to my spirit guides, they tell me six little words, "this is stress related, let go." And who better understands me than they do?

Blessed Be.

Heigh ho off to the post office I go ...

Today's cards are pretty straight forward.

Using my Housewives Tarot:

1. 9 of cups - what I need to embrace today. The nine of cups is about happiness and comfort. After making difficult decisions with the 7, and the stagnation of the 8, the 9 starts to balance things out again. Today is my day off from work. So for me it is about working all week, putting everything into my work week, and then having my day off. I will be embracing the comfort of my own home today, and enjoying something more creative and much needed. This card makes me think of a bottle of wine! Perhaps it is time to give a gift to myself? :D A new Tarot deck?!!

2. 9 of pentacles - what I need to let go of today. The nine of pentacles is about independence, luxury and being self-sufficient. The shadow side of this card talks about over investment and financial setbacks. There is a new Tarot deck that I have been dying to have, and it has weighed heavily on my mind the last couple of days. To me, the presence of the 9 of pentacles reminds me that if I spend this money, I will have a financial setback, so it is probably best that I wait. How strange that the 9 of cups wants to give it to me, but the 9 of pentacles says, "not right now." She is such a meanie. (LOL)

On to Lenormand ....

I have committed myself (ring) to sending out a package (letter) successfully today (sun). To top it off, it is a Tarot deck. (LOL) Someone else will be getting a new deck, but it won't be me. As I quickly wipe away a tear, and chug some coffee, I prepare myself for the day ahead. That bottle of wine is sounding really good right now. It must be noon somewhere?!

So, Heigh Ho, off to the post office I go. Have a wonderful day.

Blessed Be.

** update **

I got my package successfully sent out today. And  I was feeling the pull to spend that money for a nice new deck, but I was able to suppress it. For a little while, anyway. ha.

Baby it's cold outside ....

I decided to get back into posting my daily draws so that I will hold myself accountable to continue using my many Tarot cards. I have submersed myself into learning Lenormand for a few years now, but while doing that, my Tarot reading has taken a back seat. My pretty card collection isn't being used, and that is really sad.

The cards I chose to use today are from the Housewives Tarot.  I drew two Tarot cards:

1. To represent what I need to embrace today - Chariot.
2. To represent what I need to let go of today - 10 of cups.

The Lenormand cards are : Scythe + Snake + Bear representing what I can expect out of my day today.

Immediately, I was able to relate to the Lenormand cards. I find it really ironic sometimes that three little cards often times tell me about a couple of different things that occur during my daily activity. First and foremost, my TV is currently on TLC and airing a show about a woman who is getting weight loss surgery. (Scythe+Bear) When she gets weight loss surgery, she becomes a more curvaceous, seductive, attractive woman. (Snake).

But setting that aside, I will attempt to predict what I think the cards will mean for me today.

I see that a woman's decision (scythe + bear) although complicated (snake) will become final (scythe). Or that a woman (snake) will have to make a financial decision. (scythe+bear). Since the scythe comes before the snake, it can serve as a reminder to beware of a woman.

I happen to know that today is bill paying day, so it can also be possible that it will show me giving away a big chunk of my money today. Also, currently I take walks each day to try to lose some weight, so maybe today my walk gets canceled, after all, it is raining out. :)

Chariot - In the little book that accompanies my cards, it says, "that a woman can't run errands by sitting on her sofa," and urges her to gas up the station wagon, and hit the road. Some decisions will be made while out and about, and adding a little adventurous route on the way home might be a little fun.  It says, "nothing ventured, nothing gained!" 

So the Chariot, in the form of a station wagon, tells me that I should try and find fun where fun isn't today. Since my walk may be canceled due to the rain, maybe I can do something crafty instead. Or find an indoor exercise to do? (probably won't - ha ha ha). I know myself too well.

10 of Cups - In the little book, it says, "a jubilant housewife proudly displays her collection of drinking glasses." and "if life hands you lemons, mix up a Tom Collins!" Housewives are masters of their trade. They have a recipe for everything, and they often times keep their bar fully stocked. In my case, my refrigerator! lol

So the 10 of cups, tells me that I should let go of the urge to overeat today since I may not be able to go on my walk and burn off extra calories. How literal cards can be. I love them. They give me fresh perspective every time I use them.

Enjoy your day.
Blessed Be.

** update **

Scythe + Snake + Bear was actually the theme of my day.

My daughter came home from school, and was anxious to tell me about her dream the night before. She said she woke with a "Lizzie Bordon" song in her head. (LOL) We both had a laugh there.

Then when I went to bed, I fell asleep to another show about a woman with weight loss surgery.

Oh, and I did have the last say about something today. It was a difficult decision, and it was about money management.

I didn't go for my walk today because the weather wasn't cooperating. So I was able to relax for the most part, until work anyway. Overeating was a tough one! Especially at night.

Window to the Soul Spread - Renaissance Lenormand

I found this spread and really wanted to try it out with Lenormand because it is read in combinations. It is meant for regular playing cards, but I used Lenormand because I feel most comfortable with them.

It is called "Windows to the Soul Spread." It is mean for someone who is in a new relationship and is wishing to somewhat "spy" on their partner to see how things are progressing. For those who want to know "What's going on in his/her life right now?" and for those who aren't restricted by the ethics of such a reading.

I performed it for Tracy, and let me tell you, it is super fun! I happen to know a little bit about Tracy, and her partner, so my interpretations are put into words that I know she will understand.

Tracy and her partner have been together first as friends, then as best friends, and then calling one another partners, but they still have not had sexual relations, she suspects because he is over weight and down on himself. So with that said, let me present her reading:

Cards used: Renaissance Lenormand by Bridgett Trejo

1/10 - the person whom he will spend the most time with? coffin & mice - this person will be the one who has been with him through depression and illness, someone who didn't run when the going got tough. since i know a little bit about the situation, Tracy - this is certainly you.

2/11 - the person he loves the most? fox & crossroads - there are two people he loves the most, but one is no longer in his path. the one remaining in his path, whom he loves the most is someone who knows what to say and when to say it, someone who sees all sides of a situation and is clever with a red tint to their hair. again, Tracy - i am sure that this is you.

3/12 - what is draining his energy & wearing him out? garden + ring - engagement, public agreement. since i know a little bit about the two of you already, i would say that your desire for him to take an additional step forward in your relationship wears him out, that and the idea that he knows that he needs to get out of the house more.

4/13 - the solution to that problem? book & house - wait until he is ready to reveal himself to you and is more comfortable, be patient. (oh gosh, i know, how much more patient can you get lol)

5/14 - his REAL problem? star & sun - big win / honor - he doesn't feel good enough or he feels too big. (you know what this means)

6/15 - the solution to that problem? woman & ship - for you to help him get moving.

7/16 - what shocks him? child & clover - positive new start, lucky - he can't believe that he has you in his life. he feels lucky.

8/17 - what his heart truly long for? letter & bouquet - to communicate his affection and happiness with you.

9/18 - something pleasant that will occur in the next 2 months? snake & rider - to add to this, i had to draw another card for more information, i drew the lily. i dare say that within the next couple of months your relationship will become sexual in nature. he will be more flexible around you & communicate openly.

Hope you enjoyed it Tracy. Love & Light. xo

UPDATE ** exactly two months later, they consummated their relationship. :)

Celtic Lenormand Review

Yesterday I got my Celtic Lenormand in the mail. This is a project that my facebook friend Chloe has been working on for quite a long time. She picked the perfect artist to paint these images. I knew before I got them that they were going to be beautiful, but in person they are deserving of words far more impressive. At first I ordered through amazon, but switched over to us games because I got tired of waiting for them. It only took three days to get them through us games, so I highly recommend them!

The box that they come in is very sturdy and just as pretty as the cards themselves. When I opened the box, I was surprised to find a 187 page booklet that tells about the cards, as well as how to use them. I especially like that each card has keywords, description, meaning, spiritual reading, dark / light, spell use, timing, affirmation, and a deity association. There are a number of spreads that are very interesting. I look forward to trying them out.

There are 45 cards painted in a Brittany landscape, all Celtic themed. So colorful! They have their playing card insert on them in a small circle on the lower right of the card, and their Lenormand number on the top left. The deck has a 36 card structure that has been maintained from the traditional Lenormand system, as well as 9 additional cards added to make the Celtic Lenormand an oracle of it's own. These cards were added to bring depth to readings, and to develop and God / Goddess aspect to the cards. The Celts lived by observing the different phases of the moon, and following the concept of the wheel of the year. This deck reflects these same ideas on the cards. From the moment I peeled off the plastic and shuffled through the images, I knew that it would be a favorite deck. In fact, I plan on buying an extra to have on hand, and I rarely do that. I am as much in love with this deck as I am my own Renaissance Lenormand.

Wonderful job Chloe & Will! They are breathtaking, and I can see your love poured into them. I also want to applaud you for going forward with the project despite any flack that you might have been given for stepping off from the path of those who are more traditional in the Lenormand community. I try to stick to a very traditional reading style when using Lenormand myself, and I see no issues in using these cards while doing so. They are easy to tell each card apart and it is effortless to set aside the extra cards if I don't want to use them. I recommend this deck to everyone as both a Lenormand and an Oracle.

Has their relationship turned into a circus?

The deck used here is:
Tarot of the Zirkus Mägi by Doug Thornsjo      

The spread used here is:

Relationship Cross

Client: Male

Question: Will my relationship with my girlfriend workout?

Querent's position in the relationship. 

 Angst (9 of blades.) 

The nails in this image are placed close together, and because the weight of a person reclining upon a bed of nails is evenly distributed, these supposed instruments of torture are perfectly safe. Getting onto and off of them is far more dangerous that actually laying on them. Nonetheless they make for a suitable symbol of anxiety. 

His position in this relationship is clearly that of anxiety. Perhaps the relationship with his girlfriend was quickly built on a foundation that felt safe, but once he tested it out, it wasn't as stable as he hoped for. I think that this card symbolizes that he feels like it hurts to be in the relationship as much as it would hurt to get out of it. Maybe the relationship lasted a long time, and for that reason he resents the time he wasted on it?

Querent's partner's position in the relationship. Duchess of Rings. (Queen of Rings.) 

What stands out in this image is the rabbit. The rabbit leaps into our view urging us to be cautious where we stand and where we step next. "Look before you leap" so to speak. 

The Duchess is on a uni-cycle looking confident of her talents, but her arms still out to her side reminding her at any moment she can fall from her seat if she is not careful. 

The stage that she is on is decorated lovely showing her down to earth personality, but it is indeed a bit crowded and not giving her very much room to maneuver around. The smile on her face is also staged, for it has to be imagined first to appear there.

The girlfriends position in the relationship appears to be just as uncomfortable as his. She feels if she stops moving her feet she will fall flat on her face. Her fake smile shows that she is still trying, even if it is hopelessly. 

Basis for the relationship - the past. Opposition. (5 of blades.) 

The two men in this image stand side by side, each of their suits showing the colors of hot and cold. Their body language is showing that each feels the need to protect their own personal space. They are not talking or looking toward one another, but looking directly ahead. 

 The swords around them being 'enablers' of conflict if they were to decide to use them. You can feel the tension as you look at the image. I wonder too if the swords were already used and each is now feeling defeated but unwilling to admit to it verbally?

As for the basis of the relationship's past, it feels like they have long since fizzled out with their romantic feelings toward one another, and are now just living together as room mates, or coexisting. It is as if both are waiting for the next big fight for an excuse to flee the scene. 

What lies between them right now - the present. Winter Quarters. (Ace of rings.) 

The circus is off the road and held safely in their sunny winter quarters. Here is where they regroup and gather their resources and people in preparation for the next years circus. 

This too is where the important staff members decide who goes and who stays or even if continuing the circus is in their best interest.

What lies between them right now in this relationship is their decision to continue on with the relationship or to end it. Maybe even a division of assets between them. 

The future of the relationship. Procession. (3 of batons.) 

The circus parades through town announcing its self to the populace. This is where they make their first introduction to the people and advertise themselves. 

A successful parade is all about appearances and facades. If they look appealing to the crowd, the more spectators will pay admittance to the circus. But if they do not catch the crowds eye, than it could turn out to be a flop. 

If the money isn't there, than the circus can not go on. 

The future of the relationship stand in idle right now. I think that each of them is still trying to maintain a facade in front of their loved ones and family members. It has been a long relationship, and all that is left is to pick whether to go left or right at the end of the road. In relationship to all the cards in this spread, I would say that they should cut their losses while they are ahead. If you truly love someone, sometimes it is best just to let them go. Who wants to live a life dressed up in costumes all the time, and pretending to be happy? How many hours to do you spend putting on make up when you can just be yourself if you let go of the act? If your family members knew that you were this unhappy, the chances are, that they too would want you to make an exit at the next turn. Stop clowning around, and be the person you were meant to be. 

Greatest Desires & High School Sweethearts - Reading

Female client. Wants to know if her desire to be with her high school sweetheart will come true?

I have pieced together this spread in hopes that it will shed some light on the subject for her. I am going to call it 'my greatest desire spread.' If you have a high school sweetheart that you are curious about getting together with - let me do a reading for you. Email me and we can discuss details. Only $15.00 USD through paypal.

Is your desire possible to achieve? Ace of scrolls -

This ace says stand fast, sheer determinations and the will to succeed assure your victory. Yes this is a possible achievement.

Is it the best thing for you? 3 of mirrors -

This is the 'do no harm' card. It bodes new romance as long as it does not sacrifice the happiness of someone else.  As long as your high school sweetheart is single, then it will be a good match for you, but if he is not, wait for him instead of trying to break up his current relationship. Think 'Karma.'

If it is attained, will it last? Ace of mirrors -

This card symbolizes a steady flow of creative energy - the two candles. The turtle knows good fortune both on land and in the water. So I would say that this relationship would last if it came together.

Action to take next? Phoenix - 

This is always a good card to see. It is the dawning of a new day. It symbolizes a time to follow your instincts and intuition. If you do this, there will be a time to reap the rewards. If your instincts tell you to reach out to him gently, then do so. If they tell you just to let him know you are available, then do that. If your instincts tell you after doing so that you need to wait a while, then by all means, listen and wait. If you go against your intuition, it will not be good - so have patience.

Obstacle that may arise? The Weaver - 

The Weaver sees the world between spaces and darkness, between clarity and confusion, between fear and determination. Her vibrations are in tune with the other side. She helps you sort out chaotic trials and tribulations. If any obstacles arise with this relationship once it is attained, I think that you will get through them with little trouble. It appears that you have already learned many things about being in successful relationships already. Just be aware that people do change over time, and you will indeed have to get to know him all over again, and he will have to do the same with you.

How to get around the obstacle? The Artiste -
The Artiste is a gentle, soft-spoken person sent to inspire you through art, dance, music and poetry. Her painting is your personal journey. In order to make a beautiful painting (journey) you have to take your time and pay attention to details, but don't obsess over them. Too much obsession will keep you from completing your picture! So in order to get around any obstacles that may occur, I suggest tackling them one at a time and not obsessing over them. This too shall pass.

Outcome? 9 of mirrors - 

The 9 of mirrors is the wish card. You will get your wish. :) Raindrops are falling everywhere, bringing peace, balance, and harmony upon all areas of your life. A very positive outcome.